Discussion Forums - Mystery & Thrillers

Topic: Rudeness In This Forum

Club rule - Please, if you cannot be courteous and respectful, do not post in this forum.
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Subject: Rudeness In This Forum
Date Posted: 9/15/2009 8:33 PM ET
Member Since: 8/23/2009
Posts: 4,581
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Ok so I posted this thread because I had to get rid of some books.  So then uh oh guess what I posted in the wrong spot.  Well I already posted on book bazaar I just wanted to post in this forum because I wanted to make sure the Mystery and Thriller people got a chance at them if they wanted them.   Not everyone goes in the book Bazaar, in fact alot of people stay away from it.  They come on the forum of there choice and ask for the books there wanting.    

So I think most people know what happened next.  I got someone who wanted to be the PBS police.  She then writes me a whole paragraph reprimanding me and telling me where I need to post.  Well I already put them there DUH its only in big red letters. 

I want to know if any other members have had people post rude comments to there threads when the main PBS rule is "Please, if you cannot be courteous and respectful, do not post in this forum"   Why do some members think they can boss around everyone else, and do the thing they told the other member not to do?????????  Its like just because they have been members longer they think they need to tell you what's what but they still do the same stuff also.  HUM Anyone got any Idea's

Date Posted: 9/15/2009 8:47 PM ET
Member Since: 12/30/2006
Posts: 929
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Elizabeth,

I did not see anything rude about the reply you received on your other thread.  What the other poster said was true, and I believe she was very respectful about it.  She was only trying to point you in the right direction for the type of post you were trying to make. 

Edited to delete the not very kind part of my reply.  Sorry

I do hope you will stick around, Elizabeth.  I have discovered so many new to me authors and series on this forum that I will never be able to read them all.  The Mystery/Thriller forum has some of the best, most helpful folks around!



Last Edited on: 9/15/09 9:50 PM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 9/15/2009 8:55 PM ET
Member Since: 8/20/2006
Posts: 1,930
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Hi Elizabeth,

Welcome to the site!

If you are referring to Lynne's response to the other thread you started in this forum, I have to disagree with you. She wrote a pleasant and informative response about the appropriate place for advertising your shelf, not rude at all IMHO.

So, who is your favorite mystery author? Do you have a favorite series?

Stick around the forum and you will learn about many great mystery writers that you may not be aware of :-)

Date Posted: 9/15/2009 9:17 PM ET
Member Since: 12/19/2007
Posts: 2,408
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Elizabeth,

Being the new person on an established forum is never easy.  Every forum has its own rules and protocols.  I made a mistake very much like your own when I first started posting here and like you, I was gently reminded of the site rules.  This is a fabulous site and the Mystery/Thriller forum is one of the friendliest forums here.  I hope that you continue to post here and make lots of friends.  I did!

Date Posted: 9/15/2009 9:29 PM ET
Member Since: 1/9/2006
Posts: 760
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LeeAnne is wise, Elizabeth.  This is a really good forum.  Stick around and give us a chance.  You'll end up like the rest of us with a TBR list so long you'll never die 'cuz you're so busy reading!

Date Posted: 9/15/2009 9:30 PM ET
Member Since: 11/11/2005
Posts: 5,238
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Elizabeth,  I'm sorry you felt that my response was rude.   It certainly wasn't meant to be.    

We love talkiing about mysteries on this forum, so I hope you will stick around and join the discussions.

Date Posted: 9/16/2009 9:52 AM ET
Member Since: 8/23/2009
Posts: 4,581
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It may have been meant to be nice or informative but it came out as pushy and rude.  I've been here long enough I've read most of the rules and I've got the hang of things.  The poeple her jump first and ask questions later.  They don't care why you did what you did only that you broke one of the many rules.  Well there are no general rules listed in this forum.  There were many people who posted against the rules, and she selected mine out of all of them to push the rules and assert the fact that she's been her longer.  Why didn't she select one of the other threads like mine because there were many that day, but she didn't.  Had she done it to all of them that would have made a difference.  Plus there was one thread that was posted 3 or 4 times on this forum.  No one has said anything to her that she has basically the same thing in three different threads, why is that.  Maybe becuause she has been here longer so people know her.   

Every member is important to this site not just the ones who have been here longer.  Only the people on this site keep acting like they have rights that others dont just because they've been here longer or that there more important because they have been here longer.  It pushy and it makes other people leave.  In fact I've already had several members warn me away from this forum stating that the people were rude, I was also told to stay away from the members thoughts forum becuase of the same reason.  Is it good do you thank that other members say this is one of the rude forums.     

Date Posted: 9/16/2009 10:22 AM ET
Member Since: 11/30/2007
Posts: 4,953
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First of all, Elizabeth, welcome to PBS and the forums! I joined in 2007 and just in the last recent months discovered these forums. I have to disagree with you on a few comments. First of all, I reread Lynne's reply to you in your first post on here. I don't understand how you could find her reply at all being rude. She welcomed you to PBS and pointed out that being a new member, which you are, may not know PBS rules regarding the forums. Many members do this to 'help' new members get acquainted with the rules set by PBS. They aren't trying to paint themselves as being superior to new members. That's one reason why I come to the forums is for help.

Second of all, you mentioned that Lynne pointed you out and ignored others who posted similar 'bookshelf' posts. I looked for other posts regarding a member's bookshelf and only found one, by Jana. Lynne also helped her out by informing her about PBS rules regarding listing one's bookshelf in forums. 

The best place to advertise one's bookshelf is at the 'Book Bazaar' or at the top of any of the genre forums. How are new members going to find this info out unless someone points it out to them? They're not being rude, they are just being helpful. I hope you understand now and will enjoy the forums and the members here. It really is fun and there are some great people on here who really want to help you. You just have to give them a chance.

Date Posted: 9/16/2009 11:29 AM ET
Member Since: 2/21/2009
Posts: 2,925
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It can be an easy mistake to make. I too "erred" and was redirected because there were at least six if not more wanted/looking for threads on the first page. I read the titles, and the first post in one, but no further (and not far enough to read the responses directing the posts elsewhere) because I didn't have or want the items mentioned. So, seeing all the threads, I too figured it was fine.

That said, it's often very difficult to attempt to join an established group and you have to weigh whether it's worth it to you. Sometimes it's just easier to lurk and try to glean the information you want/need rather than to attempt to break into the "clique."   It all depends on what you're comfortable with or looking for.  

Date Posted: 9/16/2009 12:22 PM ET
Member Since: 1/9/2006
Posts: 760
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Well, I'm pretty sure that no matter how I phrase this it will not be received well, but I'm gonna go ahead because that's the kind of day I'm having.

Elizabeth, Lynne offered you a sincere and unconditional apology.  Other members here have tried to welcome you here to this forum.  Yet your response to these olive branches was to attempt to justify your own rude behavior and slap the hands offered to you.  So my question to you is this, would you really like to be a part of this forum, or do you just need to tell us how much you dislike us?

Date Posted: 9/16/2009 12:51 PM ET
Member Since: 8/20/2006
Posts: 1,930
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Gosh Elizabeth, insulting everyone who participates in this forum is definitely not nice. I don't post here often but have never received anything but pleasant and helpful responses when making an inquiry.  I did a quick search of your posts because I wondered if you had problems in other forums. I found that while you expect extra nice responses from everyone you, on the other hand, are quite abrupt and judgmental when you respond to others. Here are some of your posts:

That just came out like a week or two ago she aint getting it any time soon http://www.paperbackswap.com/forum/topic.php?t=179672

It is against the rules to offer books for more than one credit.  You can only ask for one credit a piece for your books. http://www.paperbackswap.com/forum/topic.php?t=177394

This whole forum is wrong.  Your allowed to post Wish Listed books and say that the first memeber who requests them from this thread can have them and you dont see how that is wrong to other members.  Your taking books that would go to the next person in line and move the wish list along and just giving them to anyone who asks.  Thats defeating the whole purpose for the wish list and its not fair either.  If you guys would just post them the way there supposed to be done the wish list would move along faster and there wouldn't be memebers who are upset because they cant get their books. 

I've sent out many wish list books since I've been on this site but I've yet to get any back becuse there are lines of 200 to 300 people waiting for a book and your just giving them to any one who posts.  Thats not right either.  http://www.paperbackswap.com/forum/topic.php?t=178320

 

I completely do not understand your attitude. In the above posts you are somewhat rudely telling other members the rules but when another member politely points out the rules to you, you start bashing them and the forum.

I'm sad that you have made such a big deal out of a simple and pleasant explanation of the rules for all of the forums. This is a friendly site! Let's keep it that way.

Date Posted: 9/16/2009 3:29 PM ET
Member Since: 2/16/2008
Posts: 80
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I read this forum each day, but this is my first post here. I think there are some great people in this forum that care alot about other people and books. I have learned alot about new books and series here that I would not have know about other wise.  Sorry you are upset but this is a good place.

Ellie (EllieW) - ,
Date Posted: 9/16/2009 3:52 PM ET
Member Since: 3/5/2007
Posts: 1,479
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I have never encountered rudeness in this forum, and it's my favorite at pbs. I have acquired a TBR mountain of over 300 books, but that's my own fault for not being able to resist the mystery/thrillers discussed here. I thought the post by Lynne J was excedingly kind and gentle in it's direction to the rules of the forum. We all make mistakes when we are new, and we can't learn unless others are kind enough to point us in the right direction.

Date Posted: 9/16/2009 6:38 PM ET
Member Since: 5/29/2007
Posts: 13,347
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Lynne does not need to apologize, but someone does............The only rude person here is NOT Lynne.  @@  Time for big girl panties. 

 

 

edited for clarity of thought



Last Edited on: 9/16/09 6:42 PM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 9/16/2009 6:52 PM ET
Member Since: 8/23/2009
Posts: 4,581
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That she didn't pm me to see if it was a mistake she just assumed it was, she just jumped at the chance to put someone in there place (thats how it felt when reading it).  

It wasn't a mistake, I posted them on purpose, as a one time thing, not to break the rules constantly.  I posted it there for a reason becuase I HAVE to get rid of them.  they are most likly going to the junk yard.  I don't read these books they were given to me so I have to get rid of them before I move.  I posted them here because people in this forum do read them, so I was giving anyone who hadn't or doesn't go to book bazzar to get a chance at them.  I already admited that I broke the rule but there is no reason to police posts.  Its not done very much on other forums unless someone does it every day.  But since everyone one who has replied to me doesn't think that others are also breaking the rules on this forumhere are a few i found just now

THE PERFECT COUPLE BY BRENDA NOVAK - UNPOSTABLE
Created by: Debi J. (mztrees)

Have PB: James Lee Burke, Michael Connelly, Dean Doontz, Greg Iles
Created by: Angie S. (aladdin) - AZ

This person is looking for deals oops wrong spot
Looking for 4-10 of JDRobb In Death.....
Created by: Pamela S. (Cosmina)

Looking For Kay Hooper
Created by: Amber T. (honeygirl)

Looking for deals on cat mysteries
Created by: Connie K. (retiredteacher)

James Patterson & Stuart Woods
Created by: Darlene M. (bebe1950)

Looking to order Laura Childs Tea Shop Series
Created by: Vicki W. (bouncy01)

This person posted three times about the same thing

Looking for Patricia Cornwell-The Last Precinct, no deal needed!
Created by: Cheri H. (cjhar99)

Looking for Patricia Cornwell
Created by: Cheri H. (cjhar99)

This person put wihslisted books in a thread which your not supposed to do any way unless you need to get rid of them all at once which is what a the PBS Librarian told me.  But I see this fourm has a special thread to ruin the fifo wishlist also, which is ok I guess if you havn't been on the Fifo wishlist of months.   
 

Wish listed mysteries with diff ISBN

Is this on your Wishlist? Mystery Edition
Created by: Carol G. (brat1)

This person broke the rules advertising for another site,  Yes I know this forum doesn't think so but in the rules it says your not allowed to advertise for other sites. 
check out my thread in book bazaar on e-bates.com
Created by: Jeanne L. (bkydbirder)

Chance to win a cozy book
Created by: Leslie (hugbandit7) - TX
 

So see all those people broke one of the rules except no one said anything.  Why is that?  I did see a couple of other threads where someone did say something usually like 10 to 15 minutes of the original post (wow that is jumping to correct someone).  Some were kind but in the way of masking what they really want to say.  There are also like 25 threads for people asking for a new author if all of these people had to post in one thread then they might be mad too.  I was mad becuase there were other posts that day an she only chose mine to mess with.  Also no one messes with the threads you post so why does it really matter what others post.  If you dont want to read it you dont have too just move on go to the next page.

I'm Sorry if I Bogged down your forum with my rule breaking post I really will not be doing it again.       

Date Posted: 9/16/2009 7:11 PM ET
Member Since: 12/30/2006
Posts: 929
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When someone who has been reached out to by several members continues to to be rude, it makes me think that person is not happy unless stirring up trouble.

I refuse to let a negative nellie ruin a very positive and helpful forum.  I have put her on ignore.

Subject: I dont dislike the people here
Date Posted: 9/16/2009 7:13 PM ET
Member Since: 8/23/2009
Posts: 4,581
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I want to make this perfectly clear I was not tring to be rude.  I was just stating a fact that I believe policing the fourms by the Non-pbs team to be rude.  If your not part of the site library or a tour guide its not your place to put others in there place.  I am not trying to justify my wrong.  You may not even see it as rude but it is really.  I don't have a problem with any one here but if your going to do it to one person do it to all that break the rules.  Not just the one rule.   

As for Sheila M. (Page5) 's comment  the only time I have ever been rude to members is when they have been rude to me first which has only happened twice now thank you!  The first post she came up with was just a statement of a fact, and I said it that way because other members had already done the rude jumping and told her there were many members wishing,  I just stated the fact on that one its not said rudely.  The second one was the person who was offering Dr. Suess book for like 2 credits a piece what I put was not rude and I was wanting to get them but she still thought she could do it for 2 credits becuase they were Dr. suess book.  I was never rude to her and there was a private message that went along with that messing that was very sweet asking if she still wanted to get rid of them she could only get 1 credit.  So dont jump to conclusions you didn't read all of what was there.   And the third one I'll admit to being rude on but she pm'd me too what she said there wasn't rude but what she pm'd me was sorry she deserved it.   

Date Posted: 9/16/2009 7:48 PM ET
Member Since: 11/30/2007
Posts: 4,953
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Okay, I think everyone has tried to be nice and explain to you that you just can't advertise your bookshelf in a single thread. You can do that in the red sticky thread at the top of the forum. That's all. How else would you know unless someone pointed it out to you?

I think enough has been said in this thread and we all need to get on with our lives and enjoy this forum as it is intended to be. Here's to hoping that my post is the last one on this thread. Please, let's end it here and now.

Date Posted: 9/16/2009 7:49 PM ET
Member Since: 8/10/2005
Posts: 4,597
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You're right in that Lynne (and none of us) has "authority" to tell others what to do. But if you go back and look at the early pages of posts here, you will see that a lot of the posts were purely people advertising their shelves or "deals." Those of us who came here hoping to actually discuss mysteries ended up having to wade through all those advertising posts to find posts that were actually discussions ABOUT books. That's why we asked the PBS team to make the red sticky thread at the top...so anyone who had a deal to post could put it there and those of us who want deals can look at it. That's what the PBS team created it for, and there is nothing at all wrong with people explaining to folks that that is where their "advertising" posts should go.

I didn't think Lynne was at all rude in her post to you. In fact, I've met Lynne in person and she's pretty much the epitome of "not a rude person!" She was doing it to be helpful--both to you and to those of use who don't want to see those kinds of posts all over the place. (Thank you, Lynne!) 

Those of us who frequent this forum will direct advertisers such as yourself to that thread from time to time as we notice them. Yes, we do miss some...as you pointed out, we are NOT the police so it's not anyone's "job" to catch every one of those type of posts. I personally like this forum a lot better now that I can actually find the discussion posts rather than wading through all the 'deals.' 

I think your reaction is way out of proportion to the comment Lynne made. Anyway, good luck with getting rid of your books.

Cheryl

Date Posted: 9/16/2009 8:27 PM ET
Member Since: 5/29/2007
Posts: 13,347
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Last Edited on: 2/10/15 1:37 PM ET - Total times edited: 1
Subject: Ok
Date Posted: 9/16/2009 9:50 PM ET
Member Since: 8/23/2009
Posts: 4,581
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Well I'm not a child so sorry about your bad luck.  I'm not stamping my foot, I'm telling you how it makes other members feel when you do it.  You might not know how other members percieve what your doing.  You told me how you percieved what I was doing, so I'm just telling you how I perceived you.  You are saying that I'm making a big deal but its not your job so you should leave it to the person who's job it is.   

I would be glad to play by the rules if everyones did too.  I'm sure everyone who has commented on this has done at least one thing against the rules since they've been a member here.  I pointed out a bunch of rule breakers and they were all found on the first page so apparently everyone isn't following the rules.  If I went to all those posts I found and told them that there not allowed to do that the would that be wrong? 

I would like to read the threads too but I have to wade through a whole bunch of Looking for a new writer or series or author.  That's kind of annoying too but I'm not telling them not to do it because its not that hard to click to the next page.  By saying its too hard to make a click to the next page your making a big deal out of using the forum. 

 

 

Date Posted: 9/16/2009 10:44 PM ET
Member Since: 12/19/2007
Posts: 2,408
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Oy.  I'm done.

Date Posted: 9/16/2009 11:21 PM ET
Member Since: 3/4/2008
Posts: 1,673
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Well, you have sited me as one of the "rule breakers" and I will clarify that for you (and a couple more).  "Is this on your Wishlist Mystery Edition" is allowed by each genre's forum.  And we do that in 1 thread to keep it neat and tidy.  I'm not sure if the "Chance to win a cozy" is allowed along the same guidelines because I don't do the games and not sure if each genre has something like that.  I do think that as a mystery/thriller group that many people find those threads to be a chance to engage in a group "project" (again, kept neat and tidy in 1 thread).  And Jeanne's post is comparable to someone suggesting you find information on a book from stopyourekillingme.com or literature-map.com or even Amazon.com so she isn't really advertising the website.  Or maybe she is and we need to spank her! (her and that horse she may or may not have rode in on!)  (sorry, inside joke) - Ok, I'll let you all in on the joke:  she said in a pm to me that she has been so busy moving and unpacking that she doesn't know if she found a rope or lost a horse!  I can't help it...that has been crackin' me up for days!

Anyway, I am sorry you felt ganged up on, but please, we come here to Mystery/Thriller to get away from some of the harsher stuff that can be found in CMT.  At first when I read the title of your post that you must have mistakingly posted in the wrong forum!  No one meant to offend you....at first, anyway.

Date Posted: 9/17/2009 1:07 AM ET
Member Since: 8/23/2009
Posts: 4,581
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Technically I know your thread  is not a rule breaker as it is allowed. However others on this site don't have to like it.  There are things that everyone does on this site that someone else might not like.  My general argument is don’t read it move on and ignore it, but some people can’t do that.  I'm not opening that up for argument I dont care what you do in that thread it was just an example of something that no all members like.  And techinally even though your not breaking a rule I still feel in to be wrong.  I was under the impression though that you wern't supposed to always post your wish listed books there for the fairness of the fifo method     

But seriously I even got on the deal thread and guess what.  It’s being policed to wow.  I'm not trying to offend anyone here but seriously Julie the people here are not your kids.  “Sassylady:  Sorry, no deals. You posted in a deals thread.  :)”  I took this to mean that Sassy sally posted a non deal comment in the deals thread, wow.  They can be erased for crying out loud.  Not everything in life has to have a perfect place.  

Well he though since everyone had a problem with my thread it is now a nothing thread just taking up space on the front page.  Thats what I dont your making a big deal about it and trying to blame people once its already done and over with. They cant be erased so then they just sit there usless. 

Date Posted: 9/17/2009 7:17 AM ET
Member Since: 5/29/2007
Posts: 13,347
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Oh my goodness, you poor thing.  LOL

Killfile.  

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