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Topic: Sometimes I get so tired (long and a bit of a rant) -- Update on first post

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Subject: Sometimes I get so tired (long and a bit of a rant) -- Update on first post
Date Posted: 6/30/2009 5:41 PM ET
Member Since: 4/25/2008
Posts: 428
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Here's the situation. About a week ago, I received a request for one of my books - Child of Fortune. It had a RC on it. Normally not a problem, but it was subjective: "Please, the book must be in good condition. No broken spines or excessively dirty pages. No pages falling out and as few rips as possible. Thanks."

The words "good condition" sent up red flags. Especially now. I've been having a few money issues and can't afford to send a book and not get credit for it because their "good" wasn't the same as my "good". I rejected the condition and, knowing me, I put on there that it was too subjective. The next day, I got the following PM.

In ref to "Child of Fortune"...

I think it's a big COP OUT that you can't send the book.

Here are my conditions:
"Please, the book must be in good condition. No broken spines or excessively dirty pages. No pages falling out and as few rips as possible. Thanks."

Does your inability to send my request mean that your sending books with broken spines, excessively dirty pages that are falling out and ripped??? If so, you shouldn't be using paperbackswap.

To me, this message is extremely rude. I had already explained my actions. And here the member is not only telling me that I was wrong but that I shouldn't be using PBS! I'm a bit stressed right now (see the aforementioned money issues). So instead of doing the smart thing and just deleting the PM, I replied with the following.

You can think what you want. All my books meet or exceed PBS guidelines. However, I will NOT accept any RC that is subjective. The "good condition" is subjective. I had no problem with the rest of the RC and would have accepted it.

That's "would have" accepted it. I will never deal with anyone who sends such rude PMs. It has been reported to the management.

Probably, I did report it. Maybe I didn't. Truth is, I don't remember. I've said similar things in other situations to try and get people to think about what they were doing. It wasn't real smart, but I was upset. Then, I got this final message.

Good riddance. Also, when you report to 'management', let them know I called you a pompous immature jerk!

Although it had been sent only an hour after mine, I didn't get it for some time and had time to cool off. So, instead of replying, I ignored it. No reply at all. I let them have the final word and figured it was all over with. It wasn't.

Today (5 days later), I get a request for the same book. This time, no RC, so I accepted it. As a matter of habit, I checked the requestor. The name looked familiar. It wasn't exactly the same, but it was only a few characters different. Same state. Same city (and it wasn't even a big city). Same age. Different genders but the accounts started up within 4 days of each other.

The names are too similar for it to be a coincidence. Of course, I won't put them here. Just take my word for it. My account is ruralrogue. If one opens that is ruralrogue12, it would probably also be me or someone living in the same household. Same sort of situation.

After his first PM, I probably still would have sent the book despite what I said in my reply. After his second, not a chance. I canceled the transaction and put the book away. Mine is the only copy. Maybe the only copy that has ever been posted. I just don't want to deal with this (or him) right now.

In any case, thanks for letting me vent. Feel free to disagree with my actions. I know I could have handled things a lot better.

--- Edited with updated information ---

On the reccomendation of several people, I sent another message to TPTB. It took less than an hour to get the following.

Dear Tim,

Yes, these accounts are both in the same household.  You can repost your book and offer it to the rest of the club while we are dealing with these two and making it clear to them that courtesy is important, and that requestors must not berate senders who decline their requests.

Have a great day!

The PaperBackSwap Team

My thanks to TPTB. They work quick!


Last Edited on: 7/1/09 9:35 PM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 6/30/2009 5:52 PM ET
Member Since: 2/14/2005
Posts: 1,075
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I feel for ya.   Try not to let it bother you.    I'm sorry that this happened to you.

Date Posted: 6/30/2009 5:56 PM ET
Member Since: 1/12/2009
Posts: 387
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I don't think you did anything wrong in the situation.  I am not sure what the requestor was trying to accomplish calling your response a cop out... It wouldn't make anyone want to send the book even if they were "copping out."

Date Posted: 6/30/2009 6:00 PM ET
Member Since: 12/9/2007
Posts: 9,601
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Just what you needed - more stress.  I'm so sorry.  I'm glad that you came here to rant.  I'm sure you most probably weren't the only member that was treated this way by that person.  You've done the best thing you could do - come here and tell us.  Even though it doesn't seem like it - it does help others to read things like this if only to see what some people can do and what not to do.  I think you did just fine.  I don't think anyone should just lay down and take it.   I have no idea what the other person was thinking or feeling, but we do know the situation was handled badly on their part.   Please accept our sympathy and thanks (from me anyway)  that you did this.  We need to step outside outselves once in a while to see how things sound.  I like to learn by example not by experience - if I can help it!


Date Posted: 6/30/2009 6:12 PM ET
Member Since: 4/24/2009
Posts: 27
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It is really too bad you had to put up with that. I probably would have done the same thing as you did. I am fairly new here and what concerns me is I had no idea that if you decline a request for a book that the person you are declining knows who is declining them. Shouldn't all that be confidential?

Date Posted: 6/30/2009 6:19 PM ET
Member Since: 12/9/2007
Posts: 9,601
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They don't know unless they've looked at the request before it was accepted and used the PM button to find out who it is - or unless the sender declined but put his PBS nickname in the response.


Date Posted: 6/30/2009 6:19 PM ET
Member Since: 8/10/2005
Posts: 4,603
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I would have done just what you did. Fortunately, I've not had to deal with anyone that rude and I'm sure sorry you did.


Date Posted: 6/30/2009 6:34 PM ET
Member Since: 3/8/2007
Posts: 2,550
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I'm sorry this happened too you.  I do not like the idea that people are p.m'ng people who turn down orders due to RC.  How do they even get your info.  When I turn down an order due to conditions, in my opinion, the transaction is OVER!!!!  If someone p.m.'d me I would be totally PO'd. 

Once again, sorry that that happened to you!  That is BS.  a "Good condition"  is subjective.  I will send my books if it meets any RC, but if I believe there is a question about whether I will get my credit or not, I decline it.  

Date Posted: 6/30/2009 6:37 PM ET
Member Since: 9/27/2008
Posts: 370
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I don't disagree at all with what you did.   Although, you would have saved yourself grief by not bothering to respond to his PM.  But he/she was very rude.  If you have an RC on a book, you take a chance on it getting rejected. 

Date Posted: 6/30/2009 6:37 PM ET
Member Since: 12/22/2008
Posts: 533
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I  empathize and agree with you.  You've got my support !

Date Posted: 6/30/2009 6:58 PM ET
Member Since: 6/26/2006
Posts: 612
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Please send in that last PM into TPTB because they have given time-outs to members who have been that rude and calling people names.  I had one call me a world-class jerk when I refused to send something due to special conditions and TPTB did contact her about her behavior. No one should have to put up with that immature attitude. 

Date Posted: 6/30/2009 7:04 PM ET
Member Since: 1/20/2009
Posts: 2,680
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I'm so sorry this happened to you. That's horrible. Back when I first put RCs in place, I was in the same position as your requestor, with my RCs being subjective. Then, someone I requested a book from was kind enough to point this out to me. Did I blow up, insult them, and accuse them of 'copping out'? No, of course not. I went and changed my RCs to not be subjective, and was quite happy they pointed the issue out to me so I could fix it. The person you were dealing with is completely unbelievable.

You know, you could send the book with PBS DC and printable postage, to get instant credit from them. Though with how they behaved, they'd probably RWAP it for no reason once it arrived. So, if it were me, I'd contact the PBS team about this, and have them check whether it is indeed the same household/person, and see what they recommend doing, since nobody is supposed to be in this type of situation on this site (trapped into sending a book to someone with a clear grudge). Especially since you were already harrassed/abused by this member. That's something that'll get you kicked off, fast.

Date Posted: 6/30/2009 7:04 PM ET
Member Since: 6/22/2009
Posts: 784
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I almost always reject requests that have RC's, because I'm paranoid, unless it's very specific. If it's something that is a matter of opinion, not fact, I'm done. Most often, it's that they don't want smokey books. I'm a smoker, but I smoke outside, not in my apartment. But I always decline because I know that as a smoker, I'm not going to recognize necessarily if it smells like smoke or not. Also, In my opinion, all old books smell smokey...it's probably just that musty old book smell. But, because I'm scared of their opinion, I just decline it. I don't need the credit that bad.

Date Posted: 6/30/2009 8:01 PM ET
Member Since: 3/27/2009
Posts: 25,000
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Sorry you encountered such a spaz.


Date Posted: 6/30/2009 8:34 PM ET
Member Since: 1/8/2009
Posts: 2,016
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Tim, I am sorry that you had to deal with such rudeness.

Let it be a lesson to people who are so demanding -- displaying that attitude doesn't get you anywhere. If the other person let it go after you declined the RC, you probably wouldn't have bother to check, or would have been fine sending them that book when requested again without RCs. Instead he / she doesn't have a way of getting that book through PBS.

Recently there was a thread which discussed what happens when RCs are declined. Does anyone think having a declined RC be dragged on is a good idea?


Date Posted: 6/30/2009 9:24 PM ET
Member Since: 4/25/2008
Posts: 428
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Thanks everybody.

I'm glad my own part in this wasn't completely unacceptable. Although, I still think ignoring the first e-mail would have been the optimal way to go. Like Kathryn said, the requestor should have known what response his message would invoke. Similarly, I should have known what response my reply would invoke.

It is a bit funny that after the "good riddance" in his last message, he's finding himself completely unable to get the book and he obviously wants it. He really should have checked to make sure there were other copies available. How's that old saying go? "Don't burn your bridges behind you."

Date Posted: 6/30/2009 11:44 PM ET
Member Since: 12/9/2007
Posts: 9,601
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Or the other old saying - "don't lock the barn after the horses are gone".    Totally worthless behavior, and I for one would be thankful for anyone who let the TPTB know about the rude PM's so that I don't encounter this person.


Last Edited on: 7/1/09 1:21 PM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 7/1/2009 1:51 AM ET
Member Since: 7/31/2007
Posts: 2,054
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Tim I think you did the right thing. However I think you should report this person to management for their behavior and then for the coincidence of this new account.

Date Posted: 7/1/2009 3:40 AM ET
Member Since: 1/12/2009
Posts: 262
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Tim, I agree completely with all the others above.  What really tickles me, though, is that you have the ONLY copy!  So that person cut off his head to spite his nose:  s/he cannot get it from anyone else and the final say will be yours without writing another word!    :)     D.

Geri (geejay) -
Date Posted: 7/1/2009 8:31 AM ET
Member Since: 9/2/2008
Posts: 9,094
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Tim, you've got my vote too.  Of course I'll agree with your post about shoulda let it go in the first place.  To be honest I'd have done the same.  Soemthing ticks me off I want to respnd RIGHT NOW!  I try to step back and wait before I respond to fools.  That person was a fool IMHO!

Date Posted: 7/1/2009 8:46 AM ET
Member Since: 2/24/2009
Posts: 1,564
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I agree that you absolutely did the right thing.  I also think you should report this person and all of their nasty PM's as well as the possible bogus account.  Good thing you had the only copy :)  Maybe if they never get their book, they will think twice about being such a rude jerk to others.

Date Posted: 7/1/2009 10:07 AM ET
Member Since: 11/6/2005
Posts: 642
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I agree with your initial PM - I don't accept RC's with subjective words either..."good, few, like new".  In the reason box, I always write that my definition of XXX might not agree with theirs.

Date Posted: 7/1/2009 10:53 AM ET
Member Since: 4/25/2008
Posts: 428
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Actually, it's not that unusual that I have the only copy of a book on my shelf. I have a small house and don't have the room to store books with hundreds or thousands of copies in the system. I just keep the low numbers. Out of the 400 books on my shelf, I have the only copy of about 300 of them. The rest have 5 or fewer copies available.

Date Posted: 7/1/2009 9:36 PM ET
Member Since: 4/25/2008
Posts: 428
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Update on first post.

Date Posted: 7/1/2009 9:46 PM ET
Member Since: 3/28/2009
Posts: 441
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I'm with you Tim and please know, even if you weren't stressed on other fronts, your response to their first email was NOT HYPERSENSITIVE. I yell that because I feel strongly that you shouldn't denegrate your own valid responses! You might feel like your response was fueling the fire, but all of us (so far at least) can see from that person's behavior/communications that we wouldn't want to trade with them. I guess what I'm saying is don't minimize your own instincts and/or feelings, regardless of cause. That person was out of line and has hopefully been dealt with or learned a lesson so the rest of us can have good trading partners. I appreciate that...Good luck on all fronts! What's the book? Maybe I'll order it to get it out of the system...(really, not kidding!)

Edited to say - reread the post, went to order!

Last Edited on: 7/1/09 9:49 PM ET - Total times edited: 1