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Topic: Strange Parent confereces

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Subject: Strange Parent confereces
Date Posted: 2/18/2010 10:24 PM ET
Member Since: 7/24/2007
Posts: 2,269
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I don't understand some parents.. I looped up with my class and there is a boy who is a totally undisciplined brat. I gave up talking to mom/dad last year, because it did no good. His behavior is tolerable in the classroom and he is keeping up because I don't put up with his behavior - he can choose to do things my way and have fun, or do things his way and be miserable. So mom wants to have a conference - seems his behavior is out of control...at home. Seems its my job to talk to him about his home behavior. Mom just doesn't know what to do. What kind of discipline does she use? "Well we talk to him." And when that doesn't work? "We talk to him some more." I suggested perhaps she needs to find another way to discipline him. She couldn't come up with anything. Timeout? "Oh that doesn't work for him, and we don't spank." Strange how timeout works fairly well in the classroom after he realizes he isn't going anywhere until he straightens up.

Who is the parent and why are these people allowed to reproduce?

Subject: reply
Date Posted: 2/26/2010 2:57 PM ET
Member Since: 3/20/2007
Posts: 931
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They're trying to be friends with their kids, not parents.  I see it ALL the time, even in my family.  And heaven forbid someone comes "against" the child!

Perhaps she needs to read the Boundaries with Kids book by Cloud & Townsend:

http://www.paperbackswap.com/book/details/9780310200352-Boundaries+with+Kids

Date Posted: 2/26/2010 7:34 PM ET
Member Since: 4/16/2008
Posts: 770
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I  have often come home from a long day and told by husband that people need to apply for licences to reproduce!  I fear the day that I might have to teach the children of some of these children!

Date Posted: 3/7/2010 11:59 AM ET
Member Since: 11/2/2009
Posts: 6
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I have had the same types of problems with my students. I have one student who says they are going to discipline and then do nothing.

I mentioned consequences such as taking away t.v., computer, cell phone, friend time, etc. Parents responded as "that didn't work," Are you kidding me...what kid would not freak out if those things were taken away. It is obvious that many parents expect us to discipline their kids for them.

Yet, the parents do not want me to send this kid out into the hallway. I agree with you...if the child can't handle being in the classroom -they need to be removed. I wish I had some answers for you and for me!

 

Mel :)

Terry E. (Tear) - ,
Date Posted: 4/21/2010 11:47 PM ET
Member Since: 6/18/2009
Posts: 54
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Once a year the school dist I work at offers the parent course "Love and Logic" and it is wonderful. 

 

http://www.loveandlogic.com/

Date Posted: 4/28/2010 9:12 PM ET
Member Since: 2/19/2007
Posts: 29
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The parenting courses are awesome if you can get parents to come.  I suggested to our principal that we treat parenting courses like church and have a potluck/low cost dinner associated with the parenting course. Food is a great motivator.

Date Posted: 6/13/2010 5:38 AM ET
Member Since: 3/16/2009
Posts: 20
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The Love & Logic course is excellent.  I wonder if a school dist. could request parents to attend when they're in the situation of asking the teacher to help w/ home discipline.  The How to Talk so Kids Will Listen... book by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish (along w/ other titles by the same authors) can be helpful for those willing to read.  Sometimes parents don't know what to do w/ a kid who is out of control in the home and other times they just can't handle too much resistance from the child & don't follow through w/ the consequences.  Which makes me wonder about the "oh, that didn't work" reports after parent say they've tried timeouts, privilege restrictions, etc.  Did the kid throw such a fit that the parent couldn't stand it & they caved?  Sometimes parents need to learn to give consequences w/o being afraid of the child's reaction, and if the child is reacting violently/disrespectfully/etc. then maybe the parent should up the ante until the kid realizes this behavior only adds to his consequence.

Date Posted: 6/21/2010 2:35 PM ET
Member Since: 6/23/2008
Posts: 9
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Love & Logic is great, I agree. So are Dr. Becky Bailey's books about Conscious Discipline. I have a CD of a presentation of hers and would LOVE to make copies of it (if that were legal) to give to some of those parents to listen to! I don't want to offend them, but I think many really do need help. They just don't know any other way.

 

I had a pair of parents (separated) argue with each other at my conference table. That was a first, though it didn't really surprise me. I knew it'd probably happen someday with someone! But it's sad. I was glad that the child wasn't in the room. They were making excuses for his behavior and how behind he was academically but then also seemed to blame each other for things. *sigh* Unfortunately they pulled him out of our school within a month because we asked the mother to follow the school procedures in regards to dismissal and signing in before going anywhere further in the building than the front office. Too bad.

Date Posted: 8/28/2010 11:42 PM ET
Member Since: 4/6/2009
Posts: 92
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The classroom I work in has alot of behavioral issues, and the most helpful thing we have been able to do is have the same behavioral plan at school and home. Sticker charts that are identical are great. We also try to focus on positive reinforcement first. It works very well considering most behavior problems are attention seeking behavior. It worked with my own child who is very "willful" (i.e. a pain in the behind sometimes haha). Consistency is vital, and getting parents to go along is the trick. I know sometimes that is impossible, and I even had a parent say to me that he was my problem 8 hours a day so to get over it. Great parenting there. Unfortunately we can only do so much, but at least if the rules are clear and consistant in your classroom, the child knows what to expect and is more likely to behave. We do what we can, hopefully it is enough to change these little lives, but we can only do so much. Good luck with the new year, and remember a teacher touches so many lives. Make it a positive experience or not. That is up to you.