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Topic: Not sure what to do...

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Subject: Not sure what to do...
Date Posted: 7/18/2009 6:42 PM ET
Member Since: 12/28/2005
Posts: 161
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A friend is also a PBS member, but from what I've witnessed, she isn't following the rules.   

One weekend, I was house sitting for her, I noticed a stack of 5 or 6 books sitting on her kitchen table.  Not long later I logged online & to PBS, her account was open and immediately, I noticed that she had marked the same 5 or 6 books mailed - several days earlier.  These books sitting on the table hadn't even prepared to be mailed.

I've actually witnessed this several times, and tho I should have spoken up - this is a friend and I had hoped that the TPTB would take notice & action. I'm not sure of how many books she has done this with, but fairly sure that it's a high number, probably close to 100.

Just recently, I went to check her WL and her account was listed as suspended/closed(and I was relieved), then several days later it was again open.  When I questioned her about her account being closed, she said it was because so many books had been lost in the mail.   That she mailed books from work, but apparently they weren't getting mailed.  And that was why her account had be suspended.   Except, she told me the same thing when she was working at her old employment.   At her current job, she handles the mail.  So, clearly, she is lying.

I'm torn because this is a friend, but on the other hand, I'm proud to be a PBS member and I know that what she is doing is wrong, but most importantly it is definitely not fair to all the members here who have requested books and she has never mailed them, but has marked them as mailed.   I'm not sure what all she told TPTB, but I'm fairly certain that she lied to them.

I'm not sure what to do in this matter, she seems to have been given a second chance, but only because she probably lied to them

I'm positive that she has no idea, that I know about this, because I've never said anything to her - I know money is tight and I have asked her if she has put her account on hold, and she told me no.   I put my account on hold until I'm able to afford postage,(then I open it a day or two) and I thought that she would do the same thing.

I feel that if I don't say anything, I'm just as guilty - and I have been feeling guilty.  She's been extremely unfair to the members she has told she'd mail books to and hasn't.  Not to mention, blatantly breaking PBS rules.

Please any suggestions........  I would rather that she not know I've spoken up, but I can no longer keep quiet either.

Elaine

 

 



Last Edited on: 7/18/09 11:02 PM ET - Total times edited: 2
Date Posted: 7/18/2009 6:57 PM ET
Member Since: 1/17/2009
Posts: 9,959
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Well, even if you reported it to PBS, they would have no reason to believe you. I mean, suppose I made up a story about you (something that happened completely out of the "view" of PBS, that they have no way of verifying independently) and reported it to PBS, saying that I know you personally ... how would they be able to tell if it is true or not?

If it were me, i would let the "system" take care of it, if she has been suspended once, I am sure that her account is being monitored.

Of course, I think its really crappy to "pretend" to mail books. What possible benefit can she get out of doing it so much? Its not like you get the credits to use until the book is received (or scanned if you use DC). I suppose you could buy postage and then not mail the book ... but if you have already spent the money on postage, again, why would you do this?

I can understand being delayed a few days in mailing for whatever reason, but she sounds really flaky to me! 

Date Posted: 7/18/2009 7:02 PM ET
Member Since: 12/28/2005
Posts: 161
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Thank you and you are right, tho I could provide them with her name and address.  

It's just be weighing so heavily on my mind/conscience.   I've been hoping that they have been monitoring her account, but didn't know.  My main concern is the members who never rec'd their books.   And you are right, I couldn't understand why she would do it, when she wouldn't get credits until books were rec'd.  

She's not your typical person, and a lot of times I don't know why she does things that she does - it just seems to be who she is.

Thank you, Sara

Date Posted: 7/18/2009 7:31 PM ET
Member Since: 1/17/2009
Posts: 9,959
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Elaine,

I know what you mean. I've had to learn (and relearn, and relearn) the lesson that you can't get people to do things unless they want to do them. You can tell them how their behavior affects others, and they just don't care. From anything to the relatively small problem of not mailing books to larger issues.

You also shouldn't feel guilty about someone elses behavior. I mean, you can't get her to change, right? I think PBS will be on top of it now that she is suspended once. I just don't think PBS can do anything with the info you would give them ... I might be wrong ... but usually when you report someone it is for something like a rude PM or forum post, something that PBS can go see for themselves.

It would be easy to get anyones name and address here, if you really wanted it for some reason. If someone wanted your address they could post a WL book to you and once you accept it, they would have your info. Unless you keep your WL private.

Geri (geejay) -
Date Posted: 7/18/2009 7:34 PM ET
Member Since: 9/2/2008
Posts: 9,094
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I agree with Sara.  Sure you can provide information but I really feel you shouldn't be involved.  It'll get taken care of by PBS.  What she's doing isn't a nice thing but you or I don't know why she's doing it.

So step back and try to put it (not easy to do) out of your mind. 

Date Posted: 7/18/2009 7:41 PM ET
Member Since: 12/28/2005
Posts: 161
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Thank you, Sara & Geri.  I guess that I was mainly concerned about the requestors who have had to wait for the 4 to 6 weeks for their book that was never even mailed.

Now that I've spoken,  I do feel relieved and no longer feel guilty or that I'm condoning her behavior.

I appreciate you both for speaking up, it trully eases my mind & conscience.

Elaine

Date Posted: 7/18/2009 8:18 PM ET
Member Since: 8/10/2005
Posts: 4,601
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Well, Elaine, truly I would delete the posts in this thread--if she is a member here, there's every possibility she might read this. That is, if you don't want her to know that you know.

Cheryl

Date Posted: 7/18/2009 8:35 PM ET
Member Since: 4/25/2007
Posts: 11,555
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I agree, there's really nothing you can do.  If she's mailing the books really late or not at all, the system will catch up with her.  If she's already been suspended once for it, I'm sure her account is being monitored closely to make sure the pattern changes and she'll play by the rules.  If not, she'll be kicked off the site.

Some people are just flaky, nothing anyone can do to change them.

Date Posted: 7/18/2009 9:08 PM ET
Member Since: 12/28/2005
Posts: 161
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She doesn't typically come in the forum, but I've been thinking about deleting it, but don't know how to delete a thread.

Date Posted: 7/18/2009 9:18 PM ET
Member Since: 8/23/2007
Posts: 26,510
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Well you know maybe if she saw the thread she'd either get the books mailed out faster or put her account on hold.

i think the system will catch up with her again and next time they'll close her down for good.  They won't keep putting up with the chronic late books.

Date Posted: 7/18/2009 9:27 PM ET
Member Since: 7/31/2007
Posts: 2,693
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Elaine,

While they couldn't do something with just your information alone, they might watch the account more closely...and if you reported you'd also be  able to release any guilt that you are experiencing regarding not doing anything...so, it wouldn't hurt to report her keeping in mind it might not do any good but, you would have done something.

Date Posted: 7/18/2009 10:02 PM ET
Member Since: 12/28/2005
Posts: 161
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Thank you all.  You've been very helpful.  I've thought of reporting her, but wasn't sure if I could/should.

It's not that some books are late - she told me that TPTB had told her that she'd had too many books reported lost in the mail.   I'm not sure how many books have to lost in the mail before the TPTB steps in. 

And I've realized that part of my guilt also lies in the fact that I was her referal to PBS.  So, I guess that I feel a little responsible for her behavior - or at least I did.  She knows what she's doing and she is the one who is consciously not mailing books, but marking them mailed. 

I've tried to figure out why she's been doing something so stupid, not only keeping her from getting credits, but also basically lying to the members when she states the book mailed and it's still sitting on her kitchen table.

I love PBS, and being a part of it, a  part me regrets ever telling her about PBS.  I had no idea that she would abuse her membership.

Several of you are right in that I'm not responsible for her actions.  She is the one choosing to abuse her membership.

 

Now, could some one please tell me how to delete this thread?

Thanks again to everyone,

Elaine

 

Date Posted: 7/18/2009 10:28 PM ET
Member Since: 4/25/2007
Posts: 11,555
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Elaine, you can not delete a thread.  The PBS team probably could but I've never seen them do it.

All you can do is go back and edit your posts and wipe out what you've said.

Date Posted: 7/18/2009 10:44 PM ET
Member Since: 12/9/2007
Posts: 9,601
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The member who is being irresponsible (allegedly) is also responsible for not allowing anyone access to their account as has obviously happened albeit unintentionally.   I don't take that as a bad offense, but she is definitely not trying to be responsible for keeping her account private and for not living up to her membership responsibilities.  It looks as if she doesn't care, really.  Maybe she thinks she wants to be a member but when it comes down to it, she doesn't want to do the work it takes.  I would contact TPTB and tell them that all those books aren't being lost in the mail - they are still in her home.  PBS is losing out and so are the people who ordered from her.  Unless she's buying PBS postage and DC she's losing the credits, though.  But she still has the books.  So she's really not out anything.  It's one of those cases where someone really doesn't care and thinks "what's the worst that can happen?".

Ruth

Date Posted: 7/18/2009 11:14 PM ET
Member Since: 12/28/2005
Posts: 161
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Yes, she should've logged out of her account before going away for the weekend.  She told me before she left that I was free to use her puter, so I was in her account by accident, and logged out right after I saw the books marked as mail.

As for her WL and BS, she has them open to the public, like most of us do.   In trying to go to both is when I got the message that the account was suspended/closed.   

I'm still debating about saying anything to TPTB.   It was quite a while ago, that  was in her account by accident, and saw the unmailed books.  And it was just recently that her account was suspended.  So, there was quite a gap in between, so she has been doing this for quite a while.

Thank you all for contributing.  It's helped me immensely.  

Elaine

Date Posted: 7/19/2009 5:03 AM ET
Member Since: 7/7/2007
Posts: 4,815
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Elaine--

Have you considered talking to your friend, since you referred her, about your concerns?  Perhaps she is unaware she is breaking the rules and that her actions can jeopardize her account.

Otherwise, I'm with Christy; PBS isn't likely to act on your word alone, but it might shed some light on patterns they are noticing so they can do ... whatever it is that they do :-)

Cheers,

Catt

Date Posted: 7/19/2009 3:44 PM ET
Member Since: 12/28/2005
Posts: 161
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Hi Catt,

She knows the rules, that's why I asked her if she was going to put her account on hold.   She does stuff like this quite a bit, and I've never really  understood it.

And after having her account suspended/closed, she definitely knows the rules.  I just have a hard time getting around the fact that she is not only letting down other members, but herself as well.  

When I have attempted to talk to her about other serious matters in life/our lives, she goes into shut down mode - she doesn't listen and just sort of withdraws, an invisible wall going up.  

I'm assuming that since TPTB, suspended her account, that they must've given her a warning, but wasn't sure what all that entailed.  I just wasn't sure if I should step forward & say something to TPTB, or just let life takes it's course.  I didn't realize that they would probably be monitoring her account now.

Thanks to all the responses here, that it's all pretty much up to my friend & what she chooses to do.   And I'm not feeling quilty any more, now that I've been reassured here, that she is responsible for her account and her own behavior.

Thank you all so much!!  I love being part of PBS, and I felt the need to speak up for fellow members who were waiting for books that I'm fairly sure that were never mailed out.  It is definitely not fair to any of them to be waiting, fruitlessly.

Thanks again for all your replies and input, it's helped me tremendously!!

Elaine