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Topic: To thank or not to thank?

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Subject: To thank or not to thank?
Date Posted: 11/26/2008 9:05 AM ET
Member Since: 10/12/2006
Posts: 51
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When you receive a book (without a problem), do you always send a "thank you" PM to the sender?  Do you expect receivers to send you a "thank you" PM?

I usually only send a "thank you" PM when there's something notable about the book.  For example, if the book is in excellent condition or if a hardcover arrives with a nice dust jacket.  I receive a lot of PMs that just say "thank you."

I'm just curious to know what other PBSers do/think.

Happy Thanksgiving!


Date Posted: 11/26/2008 9:12 AM ET
Member Since: 5/5/2008
Posts: 988
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I always say thank you.  It would be nice if the people I send books to would pm me a thank you but, sometimes they do and sometimes they don't.  I do it because, I appreciate the books I get.  But, that's just my opinon.


Date Posted: 11/26/2008 9:14 AM ET
Member Since: 2/28/2007
Posts: 2,164
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I am not sure if you are aware, but this is a hotly debated topic here on PBS.  I always thank everyone, regardless of book condtion, I think that's just polite.  I do get a bit miffed when I don't get a thank you, especially when I send brand new books.  I just recently sent someone a brand new hardcover book that I had read maybe 30 pages of and couldn't bring myself to finish - and to not get a thank you for that sort of irriated me.  However, a lot of people here get annoyed by getting a "thanks" PM because it means they have to log into their account to read that one word. 

Date Posted: 11/26/2008 9:42 AM ET
Member Since: 5/10/2007
Posts: 5,526
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I always say thank you but also include a bit more like, can't wait to read the book or love this author/series. 

I don't always get a thank you and that is ok but I am glad when I do and I always reply back with you're welcome and something about the book (I loved it, great series, whatever)

Date Posted: 11/26/2008 9:47 AM ET
Member Since: 1/2/2006
Posts: 575
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I always send a  thank you and most times add something else too. I might add a comment/ thank you for a like new book, complement wrapping or add something about the book or author.

Like  Lisa said, this is a hot topic and some don't care to get the Thank you. Oh well I'll still send them anyway, it's just who I am. More times then not I get a Thank you also. I don't get upset if I don't get them but sometimes like Lisa said if you send a brand new book or a deal a thank you or comment is nice.

Date Posted: 11/26/2008 9:56 AM ET
Member Since: 5/16/2008
Posts: 2,203
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I'm actually on the other end of the scale. I find it a bit of a hassle to have to log into PBS to get a PM that's just a thank you. I mean, I'm letting the site know I received the book, which means the sender will get a bounce-back message if they have that part turned on. I actually prefer NOT to get the thank you messages. I usually can tell that's what they are if I get them at the same exact time as the PBS Librarian message about the book being received. Then I won't always log in to check the PMs at that time. Whereas, if I get a PM out of the blue, or in response to a forum post, or someone wanting to buy credits, then I know I need to check it ASAP. I'd NEVER get "upset" or "irritated" if someone didn't thank me. I mean, they paid a credit, so I sent them their book.

Date Posted: 11/26/2008 10:00 AM ET
Member Since: 2/13/2007
Posts: 8,411
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I figure I have to log in anyway, so a thank-you is appreciated.  I don't mind if I don't get one, but I always send one. 

Subject: I always send a comment with a few Thanks attached
Date Posted: 11/26/2008 10:13 AM ET
Member Since: 6/4/2007
Posts: 2,941
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Even after reading Heather's explanation I still can't understand people who would shun good manners like a simple "Thank You".  I understand the swaps are all done according to the system and everything, but that doesn't mean we can' t be cordial.  Is it really that much of an inconvenience to participate in civility?  I mean, I suppose everyone has their opinions.  I guess what really gets me are the people who not only dislike receiving a Thank You but who go so far as to get upset about it.  I've seen people go out of their way to rant and rave in long posts complaining about receiving an unwanted Thank You, which is just astounding...consider that their chief complaint (aside from the "obligation" of the dreaded "You're Welcome") is the time wasted on reading the message, yet composing the post complaining about it is somehow time well spent.  Maybe it's just some sort of indication as to the state of social affairs, that people feel comfortable enough to take courtesy and kindness for granted like that.

edited because I can never spell courtesy correctly.

Last Edited on: 11/26/08 11:16 AM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 11/26/2008 10:17 AM ET
Member Since: 12/19/2007
Posts: 2,408
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I never expect a "thank you" but I always send one. It's an easy enough thing to do and saying thanks is just kind and polite. It might be the kindest thing that a person hears in a day.
Date Posted: 11/26/2008 10:31 AM ET
Member Since: 8/23/2007
Posts: 26,510
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I do sometimes.  I could care less if I get a thank you pm or not. 

Date Posted: 11/26/2008 10:34 AM ET
Member Since: 11/14/2007
Posts: 340
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I never expect one when the order comes through FIFO, but I always send one.  What really gets to me though are the ones that I give a deal to or go above and beyond what the system is set up for and then never hear anything from them. Thats just rude!

Date Posted: 11/26/2008 10:51 AM ET
Member Since: 10/2/2007
Posts: 10,282
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Last Edited on: 2/1/15 3:27 PM ET - Total times edited: 5
Matt C. (mattc) - ,
Date Posted: 11/26/2008 10:59 AM ET
Member Since: 8/13/2008
Posts: 3,849
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I've thought about this...I usually do not send a thank you if I have nothing else to say.  A PM that just says "Thank You" seems rather impersonal to me.  If I have something else to say, I do...if I got a book as part of a deal I always thank the person, and if someone posts something to my wishlist directly, I always thank them as well...but I get a lot of books, and I kind of thought sending "thanks" by itself sounded stupid.  The consensus here seems to be otherwise, though, so I will have to reconsider.

Date Posted: 11/26/2008 11:00 AM ET
Member Since: 2/28/2007
Posts: 2,164
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The other explanation you'll hear from the anti-thankers is that this is a buisness transaction, like buying a book at Barnes and Noble.  If you get a book from B&N, you don't send a thank you email, so why should you here?  Well, my belief is that this a a bit more personal than B&N, which is a money making enterprise.  This is a site where readers meet readers, no profit involved, just the love of reading.  So, I disagree with that idea.

Date Posted: 11/26/2008 11:06 AM ET
Member Since: 8/13/2008
Posts: 13,147
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Is ten seconds out of your life to read a thank you message really THAT horrible? Jeez. I always send thank you messages. My mom raised me to be polite so I will be continue to send thank you messages.

Getting upset over someone THANKING you. How absurd.

Date Posted: 11/26/2008 11:12 AM ET
Member Since: 10/2/2007
Posts: 10,282
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Last Edited on: 2/1/15 3:32 PM ET - Total times edited: 2
Date Posted: 11/26/2008 11:17 AM ET
Member Since: 1/10/2008
Posts: 345
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95% of the time, I send a thank you and mention something -- the book is in beautiful condition (and some of them have been absolutely amazing), it was well-wrapped, or I'm really looking forward to reading it.  Sometimes, it's really tough to find something nice to say, but this is a personal "looking on the bright side" mission I've undertaken -- and not just here at PBS. 


I don't look for "thank yous" and logging in for "just a thank you" doesn't bother me.  I really don't notice anymore if I get them or not.  The only time it really made an impression on me was the time I went out and bought five long-list WL books to send out -- it was so much fun!  But I felt kind of lousy when I didn't hear from one single person about receiving these beautiful books -- and yes, I know, that's shallow and not why I should have done it in the first place.  But it still felt crumby.  Bad enough that I haven't done it again.  Time heals all, though, and I'm sure there's another shopping trip in my future.  :-) 

Date Posted: 11/26/2008 11:35 AM ET
Member Since: 8/13/2008
Posts: 13,147
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That's awful that that you didn't receive one thank you, Kris.

Wish list books are sometimes hard to come by on here, so I am always grateful for any wish list book that gets posted to me, whether it was by a friend or because I made it to the front of the line.

Thank you for putting those wish list books in circulation Kris. :)

Date Posted: 11/26/2008 11:42 AM ET
Member Since: 8/9/2007
Posts: 4,058
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I don't know how I managed to miss it before now, but I had no idea there was any sort of anti-thanking movement here:P  What?  Good manners are inconvenient?  I always say thank you at the cash register too, and when they say "Have a nice day", I say "You too".  It's not like I feel like sitting at the Starbuck's drive thru window for the extra 30-40 seconds it takes to exchange pointless pleasantries with (sometimes annoyingly) effusive college kids.  It's more like it would be rude and completely uncalled for not to say thank you when someone has rendered you a service (even though you "paid" for it), or to ignore a polite thank you and not respond with a simple "you're welcome".  If it's the godawful, time-consuming inconvenience of having to type either of those responses out, most people using the internet these days are net & texting lingo savvy enough for "TY:)" and "YW:)" to suffice.  Hitting the submit button from there takes all of a second:P  That said, I don't get annoyed at all if I don't get a thank you, or a you're welcome in return.  Everyone is different, and good manners shouldn't be dependent on the behavior of anyone else.  You either have them or you don't.  The Golden Rule - Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  And if someone is such a sad specimen that they will be angry or put out with you for thanking them or responding to their thanks, they really need all of the good will their fellow human beings can spare them, in spite of themselves:P

Date Posted: 11/26/2008 11:46 AM ET
Member Since: 1/29/2006
Posts: 54,837
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Kris, that was SUCH a nice thing for you to do!!  I know it's not the same, but Thank you!  Just by putting those into the system, you may have made the day, ultimately, of many more than 5 people. (as those books, hopefully, continue to work their way though the system :-)

I send a Thank you most of the time, but I know I don't always remember.  It's all been debated before, so I won't add too much to  the rehash.  ;-)  People who don't like them will continue to be annoyed and people who consider them common courtesy will continue to send them.  I, too, balk at the idea that this is like BN or any other mail order company.  Here we deal one to one with the person sending our book.  There is simply no practical way to thank the people working at the BN warehouse...well, except ordering more books so they can stay employed. ;-)   Maybe this is more like a yard sale...I "meet" you, you take my money (credit) and I say Thanks, Have a nice day.......

Date Posted: 11/26/2008 11:52 AM ET
Member Since: 7/15/2008
Posts: 798
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I don't always say thank you...but I definitely make it a point to when I receive a brand new book or when someone gives me a deal. I really don't expect a thank you from anyone, though.

Date Posted: 11/26/2008 12:00 PM ET
Member Since: 7/31/2006
Posts: 189
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Usually I send a thank you, but I don't always. It depends on how much time I have, and if I have any special comments. I don't mind one way or another when books I have sent are received. In my opinion, it's ok to just mark the book as received, so that I will get my credit. I do like receiving thank you messages, but I am not upset when I don't get one.
Date Posted: 11/26/2008 12:05 PM ET
Member Since: 10/23/2008
Posts: 15
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i said thank you when i first got a book but then noone did when they got my books so thought i was not supposed to so stopped

Date Posted: 11/26/2008 12:28 PM ET
Member Since: 4/16/2008
Posts: 770
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I always take the few extra seconds to say thank you.  It doesn't bother me when people don't reply.

I have met a few buddies through thank you pms though.


Date Posted: 11/26/2008 12:41 PM ET
Member Since: 5/10/2005
Posts: 2,367
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Put me in the anti-thanking crowd.  IF you say something other than "thanks" then I like reading it. It's a personal note then or more details then I feel it's sincere and was interesting to read. 

I actually consider it borderline rude to send nothing but "thanks".  You are inconviencing me in order to make yourself feel good about being polite--this doesn't strike me as polite.   I spend a good chunk of my day dealing with email--one or two word messages I have to go specially retrieve are not things I want to see in my box.   Especially since they come across as off-hand and automatic rather than sincere.  Which is why those that include information or something other than just "thanks" don't bother me--there was some thought involved and that came through the message. 

I don't think it's valid to compare it to the clerk at B&N as you check out.  More aptly, it's as if you called the store the next day, insisted the clerk come out of the break room to talk to you so you could say "thank you".  

(edited to add a missing word in a sentance)

Last Edited on: 11/26/08 12:41 PM ET - Total times edited: 1