It had to be a harlequin type book, because that is all I ever read until recently. A woman had been married. The husband was in a foreign country presumed dead. She hired a ex soldier to try and help her locate the husband or to find out if he was in fact dead. I do remember there was intense sexual attraction between them . One of the scenes that stands out, is in one of the places that they were staying at, they finally give in to their feelings and have sex. It is so intense they break the bed

Well, if it is an oldie and about a woman whose husband has been MIA in Vietnam for years and her father, a general, gets this intense vet to help her when they hear rumors of remains that have been found, that would be A Tender Silence by Karen Keast (aka Sandra Canfield and Sandi Shane).  Great book.  And yes, they break the bed.  Twice.

edited to say Silhouette Special Edition #536  July/ 1989

I think thats it.  Thanks