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Topic: Unfriend?

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Subject: Unfriend?
Date Posted: 4/25/2013 9:22 AM ET
Member Since: 2/9/2010
Posts: 26
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I recently accepted a friend invitation because the person who offered it thought I was being really nice, suggesting another book I also had on my bookshelf about their interest. I would have done this for anyone—I guess I'm thoughtful that way? I always assumed that if you were a friend with someone, you actually cared to respond when you get a PM? If you are a person who gives friend invitations maybe you should check your PBS more than once every week or so?


I recently offered this friend a 2 for 1 on the above mentioned book just to be nice. They had already ordered a book, so if they ordered one more I'd send a freebie. I PM'd them with no reply after a week or so. I PM'd again just to say hi and that I hadn't heard from them. I proposed that I'd order a book from them also to give them a credit too incase they were short or didn't want to do a 2 for 1. Again, being nice I thought. No reply. Okay fine. Then they repyed all indignant because they were too busy and what book did I want (very short with me)? I let them know by PM and ordered through my friend list. It bounced to another member because they hadn't accepted the request in time and the book somehow mysteriously disappeared from their bookshelf. This stuff seemed to continue while I tried to be nice and accomodate them.


Why did I bother and how can I get this person off of my friend list because they're aggrivating? The few people I have as friends are people that I talk to once in a while and have some same interests as I do. I peek at their wish lists and might think of them if I see something or might read something they want—what I thought a friend does. What do you think I should do? I know it sounds like I'm blowing this out of proportion but it really got to me.

Date Posted: 4/25/2013 9:35 AM ET
Member Since: 11/14/2005
Posts: 1,442
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Hi Lisa,

Sorry that happened to you, when you were just trying to be nice!  To remove a friend, click on the "Friends" tab, find that person and click the mouse in the checkbox to the left of their name.  Then press the Delete button in the blu bar just above the friend-list.

Last Edited on: 4/25/13 9:36 AM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 4/25/2013 3:42 PM ET
Member Since: 2/23/2008
Posts: 170
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Don't take it personally. Some people have very busy lives with work and family. She could be going through a tough time right now. Dealing with book requests and PM's may not be high on her list of priorities. So again, don't take it personally if she is stressed.

Date Posted: 4/25/2013 5:01 PM ET
Member Since: 1/17/2009
Posts: 10,178
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 It bounced to another member because they hadn't accepted the request in time and the book somehow mysteriously disappeared from their bookshelf.

No mystery, books are automatically removed from your bookshelf if an order is made but not accepted.

I wouldn't take it personally, either.

I know PBS calls it a "Friend" list ... but lots of people, including me, use it for all kinds of purposes that aren't really related to being actual friends.  I auto-accept friend requests, well, for various reasons, but some of the reasons are because people might read a related genre to what I usually read and I just want to remember their bookshelf sometime later, I might want to offer them WL books in bulk if I see they read the same series as me but are behind me in the series order, they might actually be "my friend", they might be a whole bunch of people I know from games, etc.

Or, they might be complete strangers to me but on my Friends list because they have a reason to want to remember my shelf.

So ... don't take it personally if people are using the site features differently than you might! 

Date Posted: 4/26/2013 8:49 AM ET
Member Since: 8/23/2007
Posts: 26,510
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I use  my PBS (and goodreads) friends list like Sara and I think that's what most people probably do on sites like this.  It's just a way to keep a list of people you might want to order books from, you have books on their WL or what not.  People here who play a lot of games have hundreds on their friends list.  On goodreads my friends list is people I'm in groups with  or people whose reviews I like and have similar reading tastes. They aren't on my lists because I want to chat in PMs with them although I do respond when people PM me.

I wouldn't take it personally either.  You don't know what was going on in her life recently. She could have a sick loved one, overtime at work, went out of town and forgot to put her account on vacation-you just don't know.  And then coming on to find PMs from someone asking why they haven't responded might have just been aggravating to her.  She may have just sent you a friend invitation because she liked your bookshelf and thought she might order from it at some point when she was ready to order.  Or maybe she has some of your WL books in her TBR and wanted to offer them to you at some point. This last might be especially true if she has the Gold Key membership because when you have that and  you post a WL it'll tell you if any of your "friends" have it on their list.

Last Edited on: 4/26/13 8:51 AM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 4/26/2013 9:03 AM ET
Member Since: 7/10/2011
Posts: 2,353
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Me too, I use my friends list much like Sara, and I autoaccept friend requests.  Friend me, I'd be happy if someone offered me a deal I wanted and I had the credits for it.

Date Posted: 4/26/2013 11:36 PM ET
Member Since: 4/28/2009
Posts: 10,200
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Also we need to remember that we do have members here who don't have computers at home.........not everyone is allowed to access social media or use the internet at work for personal use---some have to go the library to get online and their trips there are limited. (Last year I met several members here who are in this situation........really surprised me.)

Subject: Friends
Date Posted: 4/27/2013 5:29 PM ET
Member Since: 2/9/2010
Posts: 26
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Thanks for all of the great responses everybody! Sorry if I gave the impression that I was P.O'd - more like mildly irritated. Oh well - I know people have lives and more important things to deal with than PBS.

Listening to all of you it sounds like you're really organized with lists and stuff. I'd never really explored all of the options with friends and WL etc. It seems so complicated and time consuming —intimidating I guess. The few friends that I have I'll check their WL once in a while or look for ideas I might like to put on my Reminders. I'm probably making it a lot harder than it needs to be though.

How are you keeping track of all of those people? Holy Cow! I'm not a newbie but I guess I hadn't taken things to the next level. Any advice? I'm good at finding answers to certain questions in help pages but it would be cool to have something like how to set your page up to keep organized and take best advantage af all the stuff possible. Like "PBS The Next Step" or something. Watch, it probably exists and I just haven't found it yet!

Date Posted: 4/27/2013 7:15 PM ET
Member Since: 9/8/2009
Posts: 626
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Lisa, the only time my friends list even comes to mind is when I post a wishlist book and one of their names pops up because of my gold key member thing.  If I can mail the book to them, I do.  Otherwise, it never even occurs to me to look at their wishlists or anything.  Count me as one of the disorganized people.  LOL

zeke68 -
Date Posted: 4/27/2013 9:19 PM ET
Member Since: 10/30/2008
Posts: 2,810
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I have my friends tagged.  If I finish a post-apocalyptic book, I look for it on a friend's wishlist who is tagged with PA.  If I finished an erotica book, I look for it on a friend's wishlist who is tagged Erotica.  Etc....

I don't have a whole lot of friends, so it's not that much of a problem for me.

(Sounds pitiful, doesn't it?  smiley )


Date Posted: 4/28/2013 1:28 AM ET
Member Since: 7/23/2005
Posts: 7,556
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Ohhh... PA books. I just sent you a friend request, Zeke.  ;)

Date Posted: 4/28/2013 11:36 AM ET
Member Since: 10/22/2009
Posts: 1,452
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I'm with BookWormKath--when I post a WL book I'll send it to one of my friends first (easy because of the GoldKey thingie) and if I order a book and it happens to be on one of my friends shelves, I'll order it from there.  Not anything I keep organized.  The thing I really like about GoldKey is the fact that I can be pretty sure that my friends are active members and I won't have to wait while my request or wishlist offer rolls through inactive members.  I have my friends set to auto accept--the more the merrier!!  And I'll send requests out to people that seem to have similar tastes in books to me--not with the intention of keeping in tough through PMs or anything, just to more effectively use my GoldKey membership.

zeke68 -
Date Posted: 4/28/2013 4:56 PM ET
Member Since: 10/30/2008
Posts: 2,810
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Thanks, Jo!  I see some good stuff on your wishlist!!

Date Posted: 4/28/2013 8:25 PM ET
Member Since: 8/23/2007
Posts: 26,510
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I'm very unorganized.  I never scrolled through my friend's WL before the gold key. Well maybe a couple of times but I quickly lost patience with it.

Date Posted: 5/2/2013 9:54 PM ET
Member Since: 1/12/2011
Posts: 2,958
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I don't know or chat with anybody on my friends list. I don't have tons of friends on here, but I use it if I notice somebody in the forums has very similar reading interests to mine. Since I'm a goldkey member I can send  my books to them, and hopefully they might return the favor if I have a book they're posting on my wishlist. Since they're on the forums I know they'll probably respond to my wishlist offers to them pretty quick so it doesn't go through a list of people before somebody wants it. Right now I have everything on hold because I'm trying to clear some of my TBR pile out before I get any more books, but when I'm swapping this works pretty slick.

Last Edited on: 5/2/13 9:56 PM ET - Total times edited: 1