Discussion Forums - The Writers' Forum The Writers' Forum

Topic: Volunteers of America - A true story I made up myself

Club rule - Please, if you cannot be courteous and respectful, do not post in this forum.
  Unlock Forum posting with Annual Membership.
Subject: Volunteers of America - A true story I made up myself
Date Posted: 4/19/2014 10:50 AM ET
Member Since: 4/19/2008
Posts: 1,065
Back To Top
Volunteers of America repoman13 > 04/17 09:50:12 
 

Last tax day at the library 
Arrive early, the usual crowd wanders in 
Dirty sleeping bags totted like tootsie rolls on midgets 
They emerge from bushes, freshly watered by urine 
And zone in on the rest rooms to change 
I have to pee, so I follow, all the men have dreads 
Dreaded are the stalls, used like little cubical locker rooms 
Thankfully, I just have to pee 
The expected smell of urine is overwhelmed by man stink 
Out the door, wave to the security guard, and past the huddled masses 
Unwashed but not untaxed 
Beatrice is formatting the sign in sheet 
Sixteen soul have signed up and the queue snakes out the door 
Take my usual place, plug in and face my first 
Her name is Queenanne Wray and she works the street corner 
She must have a CPA for a client last night 
Her sudden knowledge of the earned income credit is testimony 
She knows I know so we cut through the b.s. 
"I think I entitled to a refund" 
"Do you have any documents" 
"No, but John told me I'm self-employed" 
"I guess you are, what do I write down for your occupation" 
"Ho" 
"You work as a seasonal santa" 
"No, but it's a fine time to do business, I give the men a reason to smile, at their skanky wives and stinky kids" 
"We will just put down seasonal therapist" 
"OK, they do go on a bit, sometimes they go on so much that they can do what they pay for. Ralph, one of my regulars, was stressing on about his ol' lady and by the time he was done deflating hit him so bad.." 
"Ok" I said deleting and retyping "I'll put down 'downsizing specialist'" 
"Fine with me long as I get my refund" she adjusted her top enough me to see second base. Then flashed her fake eyelashes "How much I'm getting" 
"The big money is for those who have a dependent" 
"O, good, I got me a bushel of guys dependent on me" 
"Well, it has to be 18 or younger, have lived with you most of the year, not claimed by another else and not provided their own support" 
"Hmm, how about 22 years old, I got me some of those. I know about taxes from John, he says there is always exceptions" 
"Sure, the kid would have to be going to college" 
"Wait, I think Skinny Marie is waiting outside, she got a couple of them" 
And that was just the first one.