I could really use this one: "WARNING - book contains one or more adorable children."

Every book I pick up is swarmin' with kids!  In desperation I picked up a Presents and it had THREE! The main characters barely had ten pages of time together.

Less ped., more bed!

Ugh, I very rarely like children in a book.  There are so few authors who can pull it off.

Here's another we could use: "Warning - author is psychotic nutjob who will hunt you down if you give her a bad review."

Escapism and children DO NOT go together!!!

Oh, I've got a warning I'd like to see...

Warning: Unsanitary Sexual Practices!

If I come across another book where the hero has his hands allover the backdoor before playing around in the front I am gonna burn it...it's just...yuck.

" Less ped., more bed!" - Lol!  Hilarious, Willa:P  I almost peed.

LOL, that is a classic, Willa! LOL

WARNING - Menage a trois within!

I can handle a threesome now and then, but I need to know it's coming so I am not too invested in the monogamy of the H&h.

Katrina

Warning!  Heroine is a selfish, egocentric bitch who believes no one's feelings but her own count! 

or

Warning!  Heroine had a baby and didn't tell the father! 

Sherri

Warning: Heroine runs away gets herself in trouble at least 5 times!

Once I get started, it's hard to stop...

few booties, more booty!

less tot, more hot!

I'm trying to find one for you Sarah, but all I got is: Wash before/front door!

Here are my preferred warnings:

Notice: no sex what so ever. (I have a few sex-free romances on my keeper shelf, but when you're expecting some intimacy somewhere ... its just hard to get past still looking for something more than a kiss).

Warning: Hero is a jerk who has sex with someone other than the heroine during the book, just 'before' H and h are together.  (I picked up Sylvia Day's Passion for the Game based on comments here and was very disappointed that hero was doing another woman in the second chapter.)

Warning: slutty sex (I think this is a warning that belongs on almost all of Emma Holly books; maybe not - I stopped reading her, but just like my prior one I do not get in to the heroine having sex with anyone other than the hero. 

WARNING:  Badly written bed dialogue

WARNING:  Use of repeated oaths (I read one historical where I think the hero exclaimed "God's blood!" every third page. It became very irritating quickly).

WARNING:  Attempts at cutesy fail miserably

I actually think they really should think about add ing a sexual content warning... and then give them a rating.  ( I am not a fan of no sex romance, so blah~ )

Oh and lets not forget   the big, fat,  RED tag on the cover if the hero is a abusive caveman who also cheats on the heroine. 

how about :  WARNING -- totally inane with idiotic whiney characters, so skip me and read something worthwhile!!!!!!!! 

That made me feel better.

Warning: Human bodies are not able to get in postitions described within without pulled muscles, strains, and sprains.

That was going to be my next one, Barbara!  :-0

I also think there needs to be a warning about stupid names, like in the book I am reading.  The man's name is Jax and the woman is Pickett.  o.0

Warning: characters are trained contortionists; please do not try at home without written permission from your chiropracter

Warning: Heroine does not forgive hero for tiny slight occuring on page 50 until second to last paragraph.  Avoid and go get trashed on tequila - at least the hangover will be less pain than the reading experience.

Warning: This is the third in a series and if you think that this novel is going to redeem the crap-tacular-ness of it's two predecessors, you're in serious need of a frontal lobadomy.

Warning: Author firedd editor; some speeling misstikes ocur.

I also think there needs to be a warning about stupid names, like in the book I am reading.  The man's name is Jax and the woman is Pickett.  o.0

oh, those names sound familiar.  but i have no idea what that book might be.

Warning: Author firedd editor; some speeling misstikes ocur.

LOL!  spelling mistakes drive me nuts.  almost as bad as continuity errors, and both jar me out of the story.  am i the only one who notices how often 'loose' gets used instead of 'lose'?  if you lose weight, your pants are loose.  you don't loose weight.  *sigh*

Thank you Ellen!!! The 'loose lose' thing drives me nuts!

"Warning: This is the third in a series and if you think that this novel is going to redeem the crap-tacular-ness of it's two predecessors, you're in serious need of a frontal lobadomy."

I badly need that one!  Hope just keeps springing eternal.

"I actually think they really should think about add ing a sexual content warning... and then give them a rating." 

I agree with this... they rate movies and put PA on CDs, they should put warnings or ratings on books IMO, I like to know what I'm getting into:)

Top 5 warnings I'd like to see:

Annoyingly self-righteous heroine

Misogynistic cheesedick hero (can I say that here?)

Boring, recycled plot

Vacuous dialogue

And #1 - Warning:  Reading this drivel may cause irreversible brain damage

Kim said:    Misogynistic cheesedick hero (can I say that here?)

I guess so, cause you just did :)

Warning label I'd like to see is -- "Warning!  This book is a sequel and the author repeats her previous work throughout (which was not so good the first time around").

How about just a plain: "This book Sucks-save your time and money"

I'm LOL'ing at this thread.    Here's mine:

Warning!  The entire plot for this book is based on a really stupid misunderstanding or assumption that is sooooo blown out of proportion and could have been settled with one simple question within the first ten pages of the book.