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Topic: Witch waking up

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Subject: Witch waking up
Date Posted: 5/12/2008 2:38 AM ET
Member Since: 4/17/2008
Posts: 161
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I am struggling with a new devlopment in my life and I am feeling quite alone. i'll try not to ramble but I need to set the stage. My religious life has been a patchwork of things that never quite fit. I was raised in a strict home , told to believe what I couldn't, rebelled, same old story.

Because of that I have always had relationships with people that had little or no spiritual side.

I have been married a little over two years to my husband, its been rocky, but whose marriage isn't?

Now things are changing for me. I have turned a corner in my life and I am developing a relationship with what I call the Divine. And I am seeing myself going down a path that my husband won't come.

I know people can change, but only if they want to. I have no plans to force or manipulate anything to do with his beliefs. I understand that people change in a relationship and that a relationship itself will change as it progresses.

I would just like to hear some thoughts from anyone out there who has had a similar experience. Thanks

 

L. G. (L)
Date Posted: 5/12/2008 3:03 AM ET
Member Since: 9/5/2005
Posts: 12,412
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I think with any relationship, you have to just let the other person *be* and know in your heart that they will find their own path in their own time.

With any differences in a marriage, you really have to decide if the difference is important enough to challenge the bond or committment.  For us, we haven't found one yet - and I suspect we probably never will, though in many ways we are extremely different from each other .  We don't struggle with religion but we do struggle because I am much more social than he is - and we try to find a balance.  Religion is different though, because it's so personal.

FWIW, DH doesn't go to church with me, and has no interest in religious education for our son besides what we teach him at home. I like to go to church and I would love to enroll DS in the RE program there, and probably eventually will.  We don't argue about it - we just do our own thing and make ourselves happy, if that makes sense.

I think what is important is not allowing your faith to make you grow *apart* and the best way to do that is to honor your partner's right to self-determine what is best for him in terms of faith (if any).  Hopefully he will be enlightened enough to allow you the same freedoms.  Like Joseph Campbell says - "Follow your bliss."  Only you can find what is right for *you*.

And yes - all marriages have their ups and downs.  I think true love exists only when you have weathered the storms and celebrated the highlights, too. :)  We will be married 8 years in June - together 10 in August.  Where does time go?

 

 

Date Posted: 5/12/2008 8:40 AM ET
Member Since: 4/20/2006
Posts: 5,665
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I'm a non-believer and my husband considers himself a Christian.  We really don't have a problem with our different beliefs.  The main thing is that we have mutual respect for each other.  Fortunately for me, he's also very open minded and has friends that are of different religions as well.  My husband is the type to care more about the type of person you are than your belief system.  He also believes religion has no part in government, and is a very personal thing.

As far as our kids go, I've told them what I believe and what daddy believes.  I've also told them that I can't prove that daddy is wrong, and vice versa, and that they can believe what makes sense to them, but not to worry about it right now, because they have a whole lifetime to figure it out.  We teach them to respect other people, and how people are different all over the world. 

I think respect and understanding are the heart of any marriage, and matters of religion can test that.  Your husband may never take the same spiritual path as you, but if he supports your own spiritual journey, that says a lot.  Good luck to you!

Date Posted: 5/12/2008 9:49 AM ET
Member Since: 7/5/2006
Posts: 4,669
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I'm like Amanda... semi-non-believer (I know there's got to be something out there for me, just haven't found it) and DH was raised as the son of a Minister.  He respects my doubt and I respect his need to go to church and feel a part of that community. I go to church with him (and thankfully we've found a really progressive and liberal one, that accepts questioners like myself). In the 10 years we've been together, he's become more "liberal" in his thinking about religion through me and having converstions about what we beleive and don't beleive. Our child is being raised to respect and learn about all religions, and when he's old enough he can decide whether he'd like to go to church with us or not (right now he likes to go cause he's got friends and a giant slide there). He's very cruious about "god" and we let him pose questions and think of his own answers.  I think just sharing your beliefs with your DH will help him better understand you and where you are coming from and wil help with general communication :)



Last Edited on: 5/12/08 9:50 AM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 5/12/2008 9:30 PM ET
Member Since: 1/13/2008
Posts: 5
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my parents were always exact opposites-

mom is hard-core christian and dad is athiest; mom is strict republican and dad is liberal democrat; mom's whole belief system is based on her religion and dad's belief system is kinda like 'if it feels right, do it'.

there were always hard times because of it, but it made for very independent thinking (and i like to believe, well-rounded) children.

they have been together for 34 years- never a day apart. it amazes me.

that all said, i believe that it isn't so much your beliefs that will keep you together, it is how much you love and respect eachother for who you are that will.

i sincerely wish you and your husband the best.

Date Posted: 5/13/2008 9:36 AM ET
Member Since: 8/28/2006
Posts: 462
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I think the thing that will break my BF and I up is ourt religious differences...He thinks (and has no trouble stating) that he's right and I'm wrong..He's a christian, I'm pagan...It wasn't like this at first...but growing into a 'thing' for him when he realized I wasn't giving up my 'pagan ways' for him...Respect is the most important thing IMO...if a person can't respect another's beliefs and just let a person be themselves and 'follow their own bliss' then it will probably not work out...because the one getting disrespected is going to start resenting the hell out of the person who won't just let them be.

I wish you guys the best.

Date Posted: 5/13/2008 11:26 AM ET
Member Since: 12/19/2005
Posts: 5,091
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Candice, it doesn't sound like the religious differences will be the driving force behind a break up if that happens with you and your boyfriend.  It sounds like the problem is the he expects that you will change to become what he wants rather then being willing to accept you as you are.

I have no real advice to offer because my relationship with my husband isn't like that.  But I wish you the best and hope you find a way to keep your relationship strong.

Date Posted: 5/13/2008 8:46 PM ET
Member Since: 8/28/2006
Posts: 462
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It sounds like the problem is the he expects that you will change to become what he wants rather then being willing to accept you as you are.

 

You are exactly right...Sometimes what I am thinking in my head gets lost between my brain and my fingertips..lol  =)



Last Edited on: 5/13/08 8:47 PM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 5/14/2008 1:15 AM ET
Member Since: 4/17/2008
Posts: 161
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Hey everyone! Thanks for the positive words. I do have a problem sharing how I feel and whats going on in my head. Which is where I spend most of my time! The roles are reversed for us- he talks and I'm pretty quite. I have always been independent so I have to make an effort to share. And I really don't want to! We can talk about religion in an detached impersonal way, but as soon as I relate it to my life, ' I did this spell and this happened' or 'I was meditating and I had this insite' he gets this smugness about him like I am ridiculous. Sigh, the more I turn this over the more it seems like a lack or respect.

L. G. (L)
Date Posted: 5/14/2008 3:18 AM ET
Member Since: 9/5/2005
Posts: 12,412
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Amber, I have found that with people who don't experience spiritual happenings (or who don't have insight), it's very hard for them to be receptive to hearing about them.  What I have found is that the change in *me* has been the impetus for discussion, and then I can relate what sort of things I have been doing.  If i just divulge something that happens or something I create, it's like a wall goes up.  So I take an "all in good time" approach.