Eva Marie L. (babyjulie) -
Helpful Score: 2
Wow. What can even be said here. Kudos to Hayes for making the cover seem like this is a real book. Because it's not. It's as far from a real book as Earth is from the moon. This is on even keel with [book:A Stripper's Tail: Confessions of a Las Vegas Stripper|488074]. For anyone who has tried to read that you'll know what I mean.
I suppose the description on the back cover and the Acknowledgments should have clued me in. What can I say? I'm not a quitter. I like to give things my all. Until my all is given. My all was all given out on about page, oh, 10. Actually, this would be page 2 to the normal world but apparently Hayes likes to start her books on page 9. And, as a sidenote which doesn't have much, if anything, to do with this story but is downright fantasticly funny, in the ackowledgements (what is she acknowledging for anyway?) she "thanks" her boyfriend. For what you ask? For telling her she couldn't do it. Hey! Now that is what I want in my life too! Where can I get me one of those? She goes on to say that "although you hated my book and aggraated me through out the whole process I still love you." Indeed. Classic.
The story. If it can even be called that. I'd be mortified to allow anyone to know I had a boyfriend like this. Scratch that - I'd be mortified to have a boyfriend like that.
It sounds like she's writing in her diary. And I don't mean the story is written in journal form. You can tell it's not supposed to sound like that, but it does. The description of the book is what amounts to two or three fantastically run-on sentences that are just hilarious to read out loud. The total (lack of) editing - no quotation marks so we don't know who is talking, fragment sentences, run-on sentences, incorrect punctuation, yada, yada, yada. I'd be hardpressed to name something not wrong with this book.
It's pure garbage, nothing more and maybe a lot less.
Another sidenote - the main girl in this "story" is obviously Hayes. And to think, I got that impression in only about a page and a half. How subtle. Yeah, so, the main girl (Hayes) is a "big sexy chick!" (The author photo does indeed show that she is a big _____ chick! by the way). Apparently she "turns heads like you watching race cars go around the track, you get the picture." Yes, yes, I certainly do get the picture. Bless her heart. Ol' girl thinks people are looking at her because she's sexy. She looks like a hippo. Now, listen, all you fat people, don't start commenting me. I don't care about you, your fat or what you say. I'm no skinny chick but I don't run around talking about how sexy I am and I'm turning heads and this and that and this and that. I usually wouldn't even comment about this but I just can't get past it with this one. Hayes is obviously the main character ('character' makes one assume that it's actually a developed character which this is not but I don't feel like thinking of a more proper word right now) and it's just wrong. Just plain old wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.
I'm sure a cousin or aunt or friend or grandmother will find this review and comment to tell me how utterly gorgeous Hayes is and how smart she is and how wonderful she is. Probably what a talented writer she is. No. Let me stop you before you waste your time. I don't see gorgeous, I sure don't see smart, and I most definitely do not see talented. So unless you want to tell me how wonderful she is, and I really don't care, go do something useful with your time. Like read. Pick up a real book.
I almost forgot. 'ghetto' is spelled wrong in the description (among other things but this is the most amusing to me. And on page 1, what exactly is 'sholl'? Is this a word? Slang? What? Because it sure isn't 'sure' if that's what she was trying to do. Slang can only go so far folks. If I make up a slang word 'shfldjitjs' to mean 'gangsta', it just doesn't work does it? I understand that when speaking with slang 'sure' can sometimes sound like 'sholl'. But Ms. Hayes, that does not mean you should go make your own words. It just doesn't work. It's embarassing. If I was this author, which I would not be in case there's any doubt, I'd hunt down every copy of this book, no matter the cost and burn them all to ash. Then I'd change my name and never speak a word of any of this to anyone.
Maybe she should have listened to this dickhead boyfriend. Ha.
I suppose the description on the back cover and the Acknowledgments should have clued me in. What can I say? I'm not a quitter. I like to give things my all. Until my all is given. My all was all given out on about page, oh, 10. Actually, this would be page 2 to the normal world but apparently Hayes likes to start her books on page 9. And, as a sidenote which doesn't have much, if anything, to do with this story but is downright fantasticly funny, in the ackowledgements (what is she acknowledging for anyway?) she "thanks" her boyfriend. For what you ask? For telling her she couldn't do it. Hey! Now that is what I want in my life too! Where can I get me one of those? She goes on to say that "although you hated my book and aggraated me through out the whole process I still love you." Indeed. Classic.
The story. If it can even be called that. I'd be mortified to allow anyone to know I had a boyfriend like this. Scratch that - I'd be mortified to have a boyfriend like that.
It sounds like she's writing in her diary. And I don't mean the story is written in journal form. You can tell it's not supposed to sound like that, but it does. The description of the book is what amounts to two or three fantastically run-on sentences that are just hilarious to read out loud. The total (lack of) editing - no quotation marks so we don't know who is talking, fragment sentences, run-on sentences, incorrect punctuation, yada, yada, yada. I'd be hardpressed to name something not wrong with this book.
It's pure garbage, nothing more and maybe a lot less.
Another sidenote - the main girl in this "story" is obviously Hayes. And to think, I got that impression in only about a page and a half. How subtle. Yeah, so, the main girl (Hayes) is a "big sexy chick!" (The author photo does indeed show that she is a big _____ chick! by the way). Apparently she "turns heads like you watching race cars go around the track, you get the picture." Yes, yes, I certainly do get the picture. Bless her heart. Ol' girl thinks people are looking at her because she's sexy. She looks like a hippo. Now, listen, all you fat people, don't start commenting me. I don't care about you, your fat or what you say. I'm no skinny chick but I don't run around talking about how sexy I am and I'm turning heads and this and that and this and that. I usually wouldn't even comment about this but I just can't get past it with this one. Hayes is obviously the main character ('character' makes one assume that it's actually a developed character which this is not but I don't feel like thinking of a more proper word right now) and it's just wrong. Just plain old wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.
I'm sure a cousin or aunt or friend or grandmother will find this review and comment to tell me how utterly gorgeous Hayes is and how smart she is and how wonderful she is. Probably what a talented writer she is. No. Let me stop you before you waste your time. I don't see gorgeous, I sure don't see smart, and I most definitely do not see talented. So unless you want to tell me how wonderful she is, and I really don't care, go do something useful with your time. Like read. Pick up a real book.
I almost forgot. 'ghetto' is spelled wrong in the description (among other things but this is the most amusing to me. And on page 1, what exactly is 'sholl'? Is this a word? Slang? What? Because it sure isn't 'sure' if that's what she was trying to do. Slang can only go so far folks. If I make up a slang word 'shfldjitjs' to mean 'gangsta', it just doesn't work does it? I understand that when speaking with slang 'sure' can sometimes sound like 'sholl'. But Ms. Hayes, that does not mean you should go make your own words. It just doesn't work. It's embarassing. If I was this author, which I would not be in case there's any doubt, I'd hunt down every copy of this book, no matter the cost and burn them all to ash. Then I'd change my name and never speak a word of any of this to anyone.
Maybe she should have listened to this dickhead boyfriend. Ha.
