Discussion Forums - LGBTQ LGBTQ

Topic: I might have said the wrong thing

Club rule - Please, if you cannot be courteous and respectful, do not post in this forum.
  Unlock Forum posting with Annual Membership.
Subject: I might have said the wrong thing
Date Posted: 7/3/2008 1:18 PM ET
Member Since: 4/16/2008
Posts: 849
Back To Top

I need help if anyone can help me.  I think I said the wrong thing to my daughter.  My daughter is 10 years old and big into All Star cheer.  Of course this means she comes into contact with a lot of gay males.  The head coach is super awesome and the best coach in the world.  My daughter loves him.  Well, he's gay.  She came home upset one day and said some of the big girls said George was gay.  She sort of knows what that means, but at 10 she doesn't know much about anything sexual.  I could tell though that it wasn't said in a nice way because she was upset.  I kind of freaked and didn't know what to say so I said those girls didn't know what they were talking about.  I think I might have handled it better but I didn't want to get into any big talk with her at 10 years old.  Yipes!  Did I do the wrong thing!

Date Posted: 7/3/2008 3:05 PM ET
Member Since: 10/20/2007
Posts: 5,297
Back To Top

I've had similar issues with my 8 year old, sorta.

The issues we have had are with friends of his using the word "gay" in a derogatory way toward eachother.  I've just been very honest about it, and it helps that my best friend is a lesbian, so he's been around her his whole life. 

You don't have to go into drawn out explanations.  I just explained to him that all people love differently.  That there are some people out there who think it's wrong for two women or two men to love eachother and that sometimes some of those people say mean things when they shouldn't.  I told him that it's wrong when people say derogatory things about gay people or insult someone by calling them gay. 

They were learning about Martin Luther King at the time and we had been talking a lot about that.  He was very interested in the civil rights movement.  I compared the civil rights movement to the movement that is happening in the gay community.  He understood.

I personally think it's necessary to have a good rapport with your children early on.  Then they know they can come to you for honest answers. 

Date Posted: 7/4/2008 6:07 PM ET
Member Since: 9/15/2005
Posts: 174
Back To Top

I personally dont think 10 is too young to be told the truth.      I dont think homosexuality should be a "secret" to kids no matter what their age.    My daughters are 11 and 15 and  DH and I  have always been honest with them about all of this.    Just my 2 cents

Date Posted: 7/13/2008 12:38 AM ET
Member Since: 6/19/2007
Posts: 5,931
Back To Top

I don't think you have to go into the mechanics of sex with her, straight or gay.  Just tell her that he loves a man instead of a woman, or that he has a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend, something like that. 

Subject: Another take?
Date Posted: 7/17/2008 10:23 AM ET
Member Since: 5/18/2008
Posts: 4
Back To Top

Bless yer heart for even asking yourself this question!

As a mom of all-grown kids....don't forget that kids (even my 30 yr. old gay son) use the word 'gay' in so many different context's! "This is gay. That is gay. He's gay. She's gay. That shirt is gay. My boss is so gay. Working overtime on Saturday is gay!" It's sort of like how, growing up in the sixties, everything was "queer" if it wasn't quite to our liking.

If you're pretty sure that she meant 'gay' as in 'homosexual'....I have to agree with Vanessa in the above post. Also, making it into 'no big deal' by naming as many gay, well known and loved actors, actresses, talk show hosts, sports figures, artists, etc., might give the monikker(sp?)  a different twist for her.     (You might even suggest that mainly educated, savvy, compassionate people....sophisticated thinkers....think it's absolutely fine. And that people who are immature yet (aka her little friends) haven't yet reached that level, or may never reach that place....tsk....too bad!

Last Edited on: 7/17/08 10:29 AM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 7/18/2008 12:35 PM ET
Member Since: 4/16/2008
Posts: 849
Back To Top

I just always want my daughter to know that it doesn't matter anything about George except he is the most awesome cheer coach in the world!  Plus she is going to run into gay males as long as she does All Star cheer and I don't want her to care.  The same as she doesn't care if George is hispanic or Anthony is black ( another wonderful coach we love)!  That is how I want to her feel about someone being gay.  Do you see what I am saying?

L. G. (L)
Date Posted: 7/19/2008 9:55 PM ET
Member Since: 9/5/2005
Posts: 12,412
Back To Top

Kimberely, I totally get what you are saying.  You probably need to have the talk with her that discusses differences, including the way people love.  Explain to her what being gay or being lesbian means - that it's just a small part of who George is - and use comparisons to ethnic differences, for example.  Make it very clear that being gay is ok, and not something to be ashamed about nor something to tease someone about.  Also keep the doors for discussion open, because she's likely to come to you with more questions about it.

Good luck - these discussions are what good parenting is all about! :)

Date Posted: 10/12/2008 12:17 PM ET
Member Since: 9/26/2008
Posts: 109
Back To Top

my kids have known what "gay" was since i can remember. ... even before i came out of the closet.

it doesn't have to be a discussion about sex.... to give her information... although i think 10 is a good age to start talking about sex anyway especially with 12 yr olds getting pregnant more often now.

the easiest way i found to discuss things with my kids... is to give them a general statement...or ask them a question... like... "do you know what being gay means?"... then see how accurate they are....correct it if it is wrong... and allow them to ask questions and answer each one in a simple manner. the older they get, the deeper these questions will be. if you act like it is some big secret disaster... no matter what you say then, they will begin thinking the worst.

my partner and i have 4 kids....ages 10(girl), 13(girl), 15(boy), and 18(girl).... and even when it is something we dont really want to hear about...lol, they are willing to talk to us.

oh and for the record.... our kids have an "Aunt" Russell.... and the 13 yr old has a gay male instructor that she adores.

I never thought I would be able to say... it's great to be gay in Georgia.... great community we live in.