Repetition is good, it works well for this poem. But overuse of periods gets a little repetitive, and is most cases is not needed. Keep them after the drips, but maybe omit them other places.
Good job!
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The Eclectic Pen - ALONE
By: Sherry B. (too-crazy)
Date Submitted: 1/8/2007
Genre: Literature & Fiction » Poetry
Words: 159
Rating:
| Here I sit~ alone... Feeling just that. Hearing nothing but the leaky faucet dripping one single drop at a time. Seeing nothing but you and me in the lonely memory of my mind. Feeling nothing but loneliness... emptiness... confusion... I wish we could have worked things out, But as time changes, so do we. And here I sit~ alone~ listening to the faucet drip... drip... drip... |
The Eclectic Pen » All Stories by Sherry B. (too-crazy)
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Carmela M. - 1/9/2007 8:28 PM ET
The single words add to the sense of the faucet dripping. I like your poem.
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Comments 1 to 2 of 2
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