Carolyn G. - 11/20/2009 4:42 PM ET
Emotion is there, but it's somewhat repetitive.
|God there use to be so much love in this house, can anyone tell me where it went?
I feel the walls closing in on me; I find it harder to breath with each moment spent.
Within the confines of this tomb, that I have built around me.
I feel such an urge to escape; I feel the need to flee.
I don't know where it came from, or even when it began.
I fell the urge so strongly, but I don't know if I can.
Walk away from everything, or even where to go.
I feel my body shaking, but on the outside it doesn't show.
The need in me grows stronger, each moment that I spend.
Ignoring what I'm feeling, trying to pretend.
That all the things I'm feeling, surely it won't last.
The panic that consumes me, eventually will pass.
The dread that is hanging over me is driving me insane.
Ignoring what I'm feeling, I'm never gonna gain.
The peace that keeps eluding me, or the happiness I deserve.
Do I give in to this feeling, do I have the nerve?
To walk, no to run away, from everything I know.
To start my life over again and see where it will go.
Can I really leave behind, everything I know?
Can I really walk away; can I really let it go?
Can I turn my back on everything, simply close the door?
On the life I've lived so long, I did it once before.
But I had you, to get me through that time.
Can I really put you through that; can I cut the ties that bind?
The ones that have kept us going, all these many years?
Why can't I just walk away, and drown myself in tears?
What is it that keeps me here, when I feel the need to flee?
Why can't I open the door and become who I need to be?
I know that nothings gonna change between the two of us.
This isn't the first time, that I've made such a fuss.
Telling you that I'm not happy, but you just can't seem to see.
That you are not the problem, the problem lies with me.
You're happy with your life, while I'm drowning in mine.
It's really not your fault, I never left a sign.
That anything was wrong, not sure I really knew.
Just how unhappy I'd become, while living here with you.
Please don't go and blame yourself, it's not anything you did.
You know I've always been too good at keeping my feelings hid.
Even now I can't seem to find the words to tell you how I feel.
I don't know if I ever will, guess I'm still not sure if what I feel is real.
Maybe that's why, I can't seem to close the door.
On this life we have, as easily as I have before.
The feelings of despair, the need I feel to flee.
Are all still there in force, washing over me.
Writing this has helped to calm my troubled mind.
The answers I'm still searching for and still may never find.
So for now, I'll just go on, as I always have before.
Until I get the nerve, to finally walk out that door.
Please let me know what you think of my writings. I am looking for honest feedback.
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