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The Eclectic Pen - Experience Before Knowledge

By: Tina L. (tinamachina)  
Date Submitted: 8/11/2007
Genre: Biographies & Memoirs » Memoirs
Words: 632

  I don't remember ever going to bed at the time my mother proposed I should, nor when her boyfriend (whom I considered my only father figure) threatened to spank me as I stood resolutely with my arms crossed. I'm not sure that it was ever due to a lack of exhaustion, but merely a desire to create my own sort of agenda. I was a bit of an asshole.

I do remember laying awake every night, waiting for sleep to come, hating the nightlight that was there to keep monsters away as it only created more shadows for them to lurk in. Perhaps it was the zombie movies that I ate up at the tender age of five. Coupled with my active imagination, it was always difficult to actually sleep once we had finally gotten to the bed part.

They always stayed up later than I did, and one night I decided to play a wonderfully clever joke on them. I would creep down the hall in my footie pajamas, with my stuffed Garfield dutifully tucked under one arm, on hand and knees to the half wall that separated the hallway from the living room. Then, at just the right time, I would pop like a jack-in-the-box to yell "SURPRISE!" as they jumped from the jolly good scare that I gave them. It was a great plan, and my six year old mind had gone over it for a good thirty seconds deciding that it was fool proof, already tasting the success of my prank.

It went exactly as I had pictured it. I slowly opened my door, trying to hush the sound of the wood on the carpet, just enough for me to crawl out. I heard them in the living room and could see the light on, so I knew that they hadn't fallen asleep and ruined my plan. I crept along on both hands ( Garfield stayed behind in my excitement to execute the brilliance), not shuffling but picking up each knee with care, so as not to make any noise. I arrived at the partition and knew this was my moment of glory. I got into position, drew as large a breath as I could and jumped up as high as I could, shouting…

…absolutely nothing.

The big "SURPRISE!" died in my throat, as I was utterly confused by the scene in front of me. They were NAKED, and pressing their bodies together. I now heard the noises they were making for what they were; unrecognizable. I stood there, looking, for what felt like forever but was more likely only about ten seconds. My mind finally came back to me when I felt a giggle welling up inside of me, watching his naked bum wiggle in the air. It was just so HAIRY. I didn't know people grew hair on their butt. I had no idea what they were doing, but I had some sense to know that I did not want to interrupt. I slunk down to the carpet and began my crawl back to my room.

I squeezed back into the Tina-sized opening that I had created between the door and the frame, slowly pushed the door shut again, and then ran into bed. It was the kind of hop and plop that only small children can really do, and I miss it. I pulled the covers up to my chin and willed myself to fall asleep. I wasn't going to ask anyone about the nakedness. I didn't have anyone to ask if I wanted to.

Like all things at that age, I stopped thinking about it and it just went away. The next morning we all ate breakfast as a family, and there was no such thing as nudity.

The Eclectic Pen » All Stories by Tina L. (tinamachina)

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Comments 1 to 4 of 4
Lisa V. (LadyKatVeralana) - 8/11/2007 4:39 PM ET
LOL. I love the hairy butt!!! "I didn't know people grew hair on their butt." Priceless...I myself had very simliar happening when I was young. LOL I am now 34! The only difference I was brave enough to shout..."What on earth are you people doing, I'm a child for godsake...did you think I was actually asleep yet? Did you even CHECK????" Rolled my eyes and went back to bed. LOL After grabbing a glass of water. Oh my childhood memories...Thanks for the share!
Marta J. (booksnob) - 8/14/2007 5:46 PM ET
I too remember waking up early one morning, having crawled in bed with my mother the night before after a nightmare, to witness my father naked as he quietly got ready for work. I was SHOCKED at his bare butt. Thankfully I was spared the full monty--don't know if I would've ever recovered. Thanks for the memories and laughs!
Silvercat - - 8/19/2007 4:56 AM ET
What a great little story....!
IONE L. (zaneygraylady) - 8/24/2007 9:38 PM ET
great story
Comments 1 to 4 of 4