"Each of us carries within himself a collection of instant insults." -- Haim Ginott
Haim G. Ginott (1922—1973) was a teacher, child psychologist and psychotherapist, who worked with children and parents. He pioneered techniques for conversing with children that are still taught today. His book, Between Parent and Child, stayed on the best seller list for over a year and is still popular today.
"If you want your children to improve, let them overhear the nice things you say about them to others.""Parents often talk about the younger generation as if they didn't have anything to do with it.""Teachers are expected to reach unattainable goals with inadequate tools. The miracle is that at times they accomplish this impossible task."
The following serve to illustrate Dr. Ginott's communications approach:
* Never deny or ignore a child's feelings.
* Only behavior is treated as unacceptable, not the child.
* Depersonalize negative interactions by mentioning only the problem. "I see a messy room."
* Attach rules to things, e.g., "Little sisters are not for hitting."
* Dependence breeds hostility. Let children do for themselves what they can.
* Children need to learn to choose, but within the safety of limits. "Would you like to wear this blue shirt or this red one?"
* Limit criticism to a specific event...don't say "never", "always", as in: "You never listen," "You always manage to spill things", etc.
* Refrain from using words that you would not want the child to repeat.
Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish were members of a parenting group run by Dr. Ginott, and state in an introduction that Dr. Ginott's classes were the inspiration for the books they wrote.
"Truth for its own sake can be a deadly weapon in family relations. Truth without compassion can destroy love. Some parents try too hard to prove exactly how, where and why they have been right. This approach will bring bitterness and disappointment. When attitudes are hostile, facts are unconvincing." p. 38