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The Eclectic Pen - Hardwired Peanut Butter Balls

By: Christina S. (csanant)   + 3 more  
Date Submitted: 2/17/2007
Last Updated: 2/19/2007
Genre: Biographies & Memoirs » Family & Childhood
Words: 346

  I am the mother of three young sons ­and I take my parental role very seriously. I have read many books about boys, how to help them become promising young men, how not to damage them unduly, how to prevent them from creating a homemade atomic weapon and blowing up the neighborhood, etc...

I was pondering the idea of hardwiring today and considering that while some mothers experience sons like Thoreau who, while tiny, lisped sweetly, "I am trying to look through the stars to see if I can see God behind them."

I have sons who say things like yesterday's gem:

"Hey, if we melted down this silver baby Jesus nativity scene, we could make a bunch of bullets."

Surely there must be a reason for my sons to emerge from the womb screaming for blood and glory, and refusing all toys except projectiles. Bereft of toy guns by me, their idealistic mother, they deftly mastered the art of shaping their toast into the shape of a realistic looking guns and pointing them at me and saying "Bang!" by mere toddlerhood.

Yesterday, I noticed my lovely and realistic 500,001 piece Bethlehem village looked... odd. Looking closely, I discovered someone had carefully placed 100 or so small, plastic soldiers complete with full battle gear at strategic locations throughout the village. Especially daunting was the prone soldier holding Mary at bay with what appeared to be an AK-47.

Kind of authentic really.

Only last night did realize how very little control do I hold over these testosterone laden young mammals. We were doing the traditional kids get to make candy activity with peanut butter balls and chocolate. The boys were busily crafting small spheres of sweetened peanut butter and Christmas music was playing softly in the background.

All was a Christmas postcard.

I heard some smothered giggles and emerged from the kitchen just in time to see my middle son, Benjamin, in the act of chocolate-covering the most perfectly rendered set of male genitalia I have ever seen (created from sweetened peanut butter, that is). Replete in its perfection... he had indeed created peanut butter balls.

The Eclectic Pen » All Stories by Christina S. (csanant)

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Comments 1 to 6 of 6
Scott W. (Rev) - 2/17/2007 10:37 PM ET
Excellent! Very funny, keeps you wanting to read more.
Cricket B. (JiminyCricket) - 2/18/2007 10:23 AM ET
This is too funny--especially your descriptions of the boys "melting Jesus" comment[s] amoung others. Enjoyable reading on the order of something from a family member in Christmas Chain Letters.
IONE L. (zaneygraylady) - 2/18/2007 6:43 PM ET
As the mother of three boys and one girl I love this and have had similar experiences. Mine all finally grew up and have turned out normal much to my suprise.
Dory K. (msdorky) - 2/20/2007 1:25 AM ET
Your story made me smile... thanks for sharing it!
Marta J. (booksnob) - 2/23/2007 3:08 PM ET
Funny, funny, funny! Between my two sons, I have one Thoreau and one Patton, so I can relate...
Lindsey B. (Lindsey) - 6/21/2007 10:47 AM ET
Oh my! *slaps forehead*
Comments 1 to 6 of 6