The Hypochondriac's Guide to Life. And Death.
The Hypochondriac's Guide to Life And Death Author:Gene Weingarten Are you a hypochondriac? Take this simple test.
You have a headache. What do you do?
Take an aspirin.
Take an aspirin, but make sure your will is in order.
Swallow any household poison available, Such as Clorox or Liquid-Plumr, in the faint hope that there is s... more »till time to kill the worms, since you know that a headache is sometimes a sign of cysticercosis, a parasitic disease in which the brain is invaded by the larva of the intestinal tapeworm, Taenia solium, which can grow to twenty feet long and has teeth.
The best reason to get a dog is:
A dog is a great friend.
A dog is a great source of goofy entertainment when you are not feeling well.
A dog is a great food taster. If he doesn't die, you're safe.
When you watch ER, you are most impressed with:
The taut acting and riveting dialogue.
The reminder that there are people with worse problems than you.
The handy tips for diagnosis and treatment of disease.
How do you think you will die?
In bed, surrounded by weeping children and grandchildren.
Flying through the windshield of your car.
Flying through the windshield of your car after suffering a cerebrovascular accident, possibly linked to undiagnosed lupus erythematosus, polycytherma rubra vera, or thrombotic thrornbocytopenic purpura.
You will buy this book because:
You want to laugh at others more foolish than you.
You want to be on the safe side.
You want to use it as your family's primary medical text.
The Hypochondriac's Guide to Life. And Death. is to the fear of death what the Holy Bible is to the fear for one's soul: terrifying, humbling, and, in a strange sort of way, comforting.« less