I have a story here:

http://www.wattpad.com/35494361-damian-carter-life-before-the-glory?d=ud

It would mean so much to me if at least one person read it and gave me their opinion.

Even if it's just a page or two.

Interesting story. I had to stop and reread a few passages when it changed from Damien to Taylor and sometimes the dialogue with the team caused me to pause. Otherwise, good job.

I did notice a few mechanical errors. If you know someone who could proofread for you it would improve readability.

Anytime an author finishes a story it's a great story. It may not be the author's best story but it's a finished story and that's what counts.

I enjoyed your story. Keep writing.

A word of caution that I think a lot of people don't realize - if you are looking to publish an original work, you shouldn't post the whole thing online. By posting your story online, you are "publishing" it, in a sense. If you put it all out there and then send it to a publisher, what they want from you is something called "first publishing rights." If you put your whole story online, the "first publishing rights" have technically gone to whatever website you have posted to.

Some publishers are more lenient about this than others. And with more and more people posting work online, this becomes harder to stand by. But it's still something you should think about before posting. Putting up some of your work (20%) is okay, but the whole thing might cause issues in the future.

Link for more info. http://www.thenextbigwriter.com/writing_resources/first_rights.html