Kids have been given free reign to say whatever they like and act in any way they see fit and when we issue a consequence for the behavior, we have the wrath of mommy and daddy come down on us. Gone are the days when parents support the teacher first or come to the school to investigate the problem.  Parents hear their little darling complain about the teacher being mean to them and immediately charge up to the school to lay the teacher out.  Doesn't matter that little darling beat the snot out of another child on the playground, screamed obscenities at the teacher, other students and other staff members, flooded the bathroom deliberately or threatened to kill a teacher....all of whch has happened at my elementary school in the last two months, btw.  The schools/teachers are always at fault because we don't care, don't understand, or don't know how to do our jobs.  Principals have their hands tied by idots downtown who won't back them up because they're afraid of the system not looking "family friendly" and/or the threat of a parent suing because little darling was mistreated. 

The stories I could tell....................

The reason, in my opinion, that parents do this is guilt. Children are no longer the reason for going to work and creating a good life for your family. They are no longer central in importance to people and, god forbid, parents actually believe their kiddos could do something wrong. That would reflect on parental shortcomings.

Used to be that parents raised kids to be good citizens. The children were the core of the family. Now, it seems to me, that children are just another accessory to a person's life. After all, no matter how hard things were or how broke we were in the old days, the needs of the child came first. Now its the needs of the parents.

I was a single parent. I was widowed at 24. I know how hard it is to be both mom and dad and support a family. I know how every child needs both father and mother. I was raised in a family that started out dirt poor. I didnt know it because my parents never let on. They knew that what children need the most is security and a stable routine. They gave me and my siblings just that. They never once fought in front of us. There were times as a teenager, I thought that they were a bit mad at each other, but I never worried about them getting divorced. Apparently they were really good at having major blow-outs in the privacy of their bedroom in whispers.

I was not my parents best friend. I did not hear all their problems. I learned to clean up after myself and that it took the entire family working together to keep order in our home. My parents did their best to give us what we wanted if they could, but we always had what we needed, even if my folks had to go without. If I wanted something bad enough, I knew if I whined I would never get it. I knew that if I asked my parents would scrape together a few quarters and pay me for extra work around the house.

Now kids are given everything and have little to no responsiblity. That's because they are appendages to their parents life.

Lorene

All I have to say is GOD BLESS ALL TEACHERS!

I am in business and my two best friends have been a teachers for 10 years.  I hear their stories and am so thankful for my job. 

I really respect all that you guys do day to day and just want to thank you for the time, energy, and money you put into your profession.  I know I could not do it and I am so thankful for the truly gifted people who do.

Why thank you, Amy.

Lorene

Yes, thanks, Amy.   :)

Just saw this.  Thank you, Amy.  I'm a foul mood at the moment, which is why I'm taking a breather and doing something non-classroom related in the middle of the morning.  Seeing this post makes me feel a little more positive. :-)

Well please know you have a non educator in your corner!  My best friends teach because they love it (warts and all) and are truly gifted.  I love when I hear fellow business women say, well when I have kids, I'm just gonna teach-they have no idea!

Again, God bless you!

I selected this comment on an 11th grader's report card: "Student is disrespectful in class." I got back this note from his mother:

"Respect is earned and <name> has never been disrepectful so the problem must be with you."

Really. She wrote that. And signed it. Hmmmm.... Wonder why her kid has so many write-ups at school? 

Isn't it amazing that parents refuse to believe that "their" child could possibly be different at school than he is at home? At some point, if multiple teachers are telling her that her son is disrespectful, it should start to make her think that maybe there's a problem.  These are the times when I wish I had a camcorder so I could tape students and show their parents at conference time.  Of course, the ones who need to see these things are the ones who never bother to show up anyway. 

I'm really lucky this year, most of the parents I speak with have realistic views of their children and know I'm not out to get them.  Does that mean I'm in for the s@#&storm of s@#&storms next year?  Eeeek!

 I homeschool and find that keeping track of the academics is time consuming enough in itself. I can see where dealing with poorly behaved students and uncooperative parents in addition to your daily work load would be exhausting. My children know it will be VERY uncomfortable for THEM if they make things hard for me. If their friends dare to bad mouth me they will and have been sent home immediately. A few times I haven't even bothered speaking to the parents of badly behaved children that I have sent out of my home. I just don't have the desire or care to devote the energy to listening to parents that think their children are without fault. I CAN send misbehaved children that are not mine home. It's a shame the public school teacher's do not have the option of doing the same except in extreme situations.

Parents that send their children to school should be darn thankful that there is someone willing to do the work required to educate their children.

I once had a conversation with my former principal, and she also told me that respect must be earned.

I disagree.

All adults and people in positions of authority deserve respect until they prove they HAVEN'T earned it --- at least, that was how I was taught at home. I was expected to say Yes Ma'am/ Sir to EVERYONE! The positive side of this is that even today, when someone holds a door open for me, I say "Thank you, Sir." It always makes them look, and I think it shows that I respect all people.

What that mother was telling you when she excused her son's disrespect, is that your life and your place in her son's life had no value. That's a lie, and it devalues her own life as well as everyone else's. She may end up being one of those mothers, wringing her hands and asking why her son doesn't come around / visit her / take care of her. It's because she's taught him disrespect.

IMHO

BLessings to you all,

Liz F.

AlamoLiz

I am currently an Exceptional Children (Special Ed) and Drivers Education teacher in Eastern area of NC and am looking to relocate to another location that is not full of mold and swamp water. I would like to go to the western area of NC, TN, or VA. Any teachers out there that have a good location in mind? I prefer the rural areas but as long as I can live in the country I can teach in the city.

Thanks,

Wolf

WOW. Thank Goodness I homeschool.

Hello Everyone

I'm so sorry to hear the horror stories but coming from a mom, I must say this. The first teacher in a childs life is their Mom and if she lacks any education herself she can't give any to her child. Sadly enough I'm not talking about book smarts.

I'm not going to down the single moms but my mother was a single mom of five , we were so poor we shared a one bedroom apartment until the projects opened and she was able to get on welfare and even that was hard because she didn't speak English nor did she understand it. YET this same women with a second grade education got her GED, went to college got a degree became a teacher. Mom was now a teacher, had a full time job, papers to grade, meals to cook, and parents to call. She alos still had to help us with homework and tell stories and bake cookies notjust for us but all of her kids.

Not once did she complain about the children because back them mothers were mothers. They were responsible, had ambition and didn't consider a child and object to get monthly money for. Back then fathers were also different, if they were in the picture they worked and moms were able to stay home and be a mother. Children were taught at home so when they went to school it was just an added bonus. Now teachers are "the baby sitter"

 I loved all my teachers, to me they were my second mom. Til this day I still remember all their names. If there was a problem in school oh boy the whole class of friends would cry if that  mom was coming because their friend was getting a good whipping.

 The truth is parents are just lazy now. The kids are being raised by the TV and video games. They are terrible. A parent who is blinded by the fact that their child is a saint at home is the same parent that is sending her child to his/her room to play video games because they getting on their nerves. Plain and simple.

Sorry to cut into the teachers conversation but I am a homeschooling mom and to me I'm also an educator. I have much respect for teachers. My mother was one, my brothers are both professors and my husband use to teach at one point.

To me, your all amazing, not all parents stink. some of us do have children because we want to make a difference to create a better life, a future and to continue the legacy of what our parents have shared with us. unfortunately you all sound liek you have met the parents who see the kids as a tax write off and yeah more money.

ANy of you have some good ideas you can share I am all ears. I have children ages 2, 9, 12,13 it's not easy but i love it.

Michelle

Michelle, I enjoyed your post very much. I agreed with much of what you said. The unfortunate thing is that teachers, like others, need to vent. We so seldom get "good" parents nowadays. When we do, we do everything we can to support them. I teach emotionally disturbed students, the type that in the old days, would have the whole neighborhood tattling on them if they did something wrong. The kind whose moms mainly stayed at home or had a part-time job. The ones who knew their parent or parents loved them unconditionally and spent TIME with them.

Parents today dont do that. Very rarely do I have a parent involved in their child's education. I understand that these kids are difficult and the parents need a break. (Most of my parents are either foster or stay at home) However,what I have found to help these kids are 3 things: a regular schedule, loving consistency and a loving heart that recognises that kids make mistakes. We have that in my class and although at times they test the "fence", on the whole my kiddos love to come to school.I have kids who dont get to bed until 11 oclock because their parent is out and they are either not home or waiting for mom to get home. I have kids who literally have saved their food from lunch or the snacks we give them to take home to their little sister so as to make sure that she has something to eat. Kids in many cases are just accessories to peoples lives. My kids love school because its safe and they know what happens in every situation.  In fact, the worst days they have are Mondays and Fridays because they are either coming back from chaos to stability or they dont know what the weekend is going to bring.

I applaud stay at home moms, especially those who homeschool. Yours I think is a very difficult job, without a whole lot of support. Teachers appreciate parents who feel as you do. Its just a sad indictment of today's society that we are allowing children to grow up without so many things we take for granted. I dont think you will find a teacher who wouldnt support a law that made it mandatory for parents to be licensed to have and keep their kids. As bad as the system is, and its bad, some kids are much better off without their "loving parents'

Lorene

It amazes me on a daily basis how some children will act at school!  We are so lucky at my school this year.  We got a new principal and she is right there.  The kids {and parents alike} are quickly learning there is a new sheriff in town.  Not that all our problems are solved, by far.  But it is so refreshing to have administration that is supportive and will not stand for the problems.  She is nipping them in the bud and cutting them off at the pass! 

Dolli

Oh please, don't get me started!  I'm a school psychologist and it's shocking how bad behavior has increased since I started working in the public school system where I do.  When I first started (1989), it was mainly a middle school and high school problem. Now we are getting them at age 5 so unruly and aggressive it's sad.  I have had more kindergarten students with serious behavior issues in the past 5 years than I can remember, and it's often not due to disability--they are mainly products of poor parenting and discipline.  I also suspect environmental factors have contributed to the problems as well (i.e., food additives and certain preservatives, HGH, too much TV and Nintendo/PlayStation). 

Amen to that Dawn. Most of the kiddos in my Emotionally Disturbed class would be fine if their parents would decide to parent their kids instead of being their "friend" or whatever. My aide has a grandson who is in kindergarten this year. He has already been in the office to see the principal 4 times!! He is a really good kid, but his parents dont care what he does. Totally non-supportive of the school. When grandma found out.....well that changed in a hurry. His teacher reports that now that his grandma knows about his problems, whenever he starts acting out, she tells him to settle down or he will have to explain his behavior to grandma. She rarely has to say anything now and he is turning out to be one of the top students. His grandmother is one of the most loving people I know. She will walk through fire for her grandkids, but she also sets boundaries and they know not to cross them. She also has never even raised her voice to any of her grandkids, ages 5-19.. Yet, they are rude and disrespectful to their parents and the parents complain that no matter what they do to the kids, the kids dont listen! Sheesh, I wonder why?

Wow, it is nice to run into some teachers here.  I just went back to teaching after taking a 4 year break and training horses instead.  That is fun too but dangerous.  So as long as I teach in rural America school is pretty safe.  I have too felt the frustrations you all have mentioned and I've racked my brain many times wondering why.  I have kids in gradeschool, however I am a high school teacher.  I have wondered what has happened to our society that has changed the way society looks at raising kids???  How come it's not the way it used to be???  After going back to teaching I decided to take a new approach.  I try to see all my students as individuals and handle them accordingly.  I have students who unload their lives in my lap and I'm tellin ya...some of their parents should not be allowed to procreate.  It seems to me parents are more immature, less settled and out for what they can get out of life and the kids are just innocent bystanders.  They bribe them to get good grades and use chores to make trades for nights out with friends.  What is wrong with expecting our kids to do chores because they are a part of the family and we all have to pitch in?  Why is it so hard to sit a kid down after supper and go over their homework with them and why for God's sake are parents unloading their money, sex and relationship problems on their kids????  How did our generation get this way and because of it what is the next generation going to be like?  This last question is the one I'd really love some insight on.  Now....I know it is not like this for everyone and don't want to group every parent between 25 and 40 in this category...but I'd say it's about 50%. I find I spend more time managing my classes' behavior and late work than I do teaching.  How are these kids going to survive college?  I also see teachers burned out on teaching.  This worries me just as much.  I see teachers that are not understanding and refuse to be a support system or listen to what a student is really saying.  I see teachers that are as bad as the parents...they come to school with a plan in mind and don't let anything get in their way of it.  Which leaves students confused, misunderstood and even more down in the dumps than they were the night before after hearing their mother scream at their stepdad using language that I can't even repeat.  I also see teachers that can't untangle the personal from the professional.  They have issues with a kid in class and instead of being professional and letting it roll off or trying to get to the root of the problem, just become crabby and unforgiving with the student.  No matter how nasty, or disprespectful a student is it's our job to love them and want them to succeed and do everything we can to make that happen.  So as you can see in all of my rambling we have problems at school and at home and I don't even know where to start.  I may go back to horse training.  LOL

I don't feel so alone now.... :)

I teach 7th grade (I can hear the sighs of pity now LOL) and I sometimes feel the need to smack myself squarely in the middle of the forehead.  Tracey has a good point when she said that parents seem to side with the kids faster than with the teachers.  And when I get them, they are 12 & 13 and just starting to change from the little angels to something-else-not-yet-categorized-by-modern-science.  It is very frustrating when you call home and a parent tells you "oh... well... that's just the way he is..."  That irritates me.  Your child is just the way you are raising them to be.  If you make excuses for them, they will expect that making excuses is the way out of a sticky situation.  I see the pass-the-buck thing all the time.  In my opinion, parents shield their kids too much in middle school.  There has to be a point where you just let your child feel the consequences of his actions- otherwise they will never learn.

There are so many good postings here!  I currently teach 1st grade in a "rough" area- very poor.  I had what I can only call, an excruciating year last year, in more ways than one.  It was my third year of teaching and very nearly quit in the middle of the year. 

I wanted to share with all of you some words of wisdom from a motivational speaker that our district sent us to see the day before school started.  His name was Larry Bell.  You know he was good when the day before school, i didn't see any teachers preparing anything as they listened.  His message was "Somebody needs you- Even on your worst day, you are some child's best hope." 

He kept telling us all in the audience that we were "wonderful" and how great we were.  He must have said the word "wonderful" at least 200 times that day.  He also suggested that you come up with a term of endearment to call they students (i chose sweetheart)

I went to school the next day, and laid it on thick with my new class.  I complimented them and told them how great they were, how wonderful they were behaving, and what a good example they were.  Now, I didn't give any undeserved compliments.  

I can identify with Sandie H. in hoping that I don't have a repeat of last year when I say that I absolutely love these kids.  I now act very disappointed and sad when they misbehave.  They seem to want to please me that they behaviors don't last.  I'll put on a sad face and say something like "awww, david, sweetheart, I just told the whole class how quiet and good you were being, and now you are talking out of turn.  I'm just so disappointed that you would do that."

Believe me, I knock on wood every day and count my lucky stars this year!  You can find more information on larry bell at www.larry-bell.com  - his speech that day literally changed the way I looked at my class. 

Wow, that's fantastic, Karen! So many of those In-service things are, umm, well, not-so-motivational. I'm so glad someone spoke to you who actually SPOKE to you!

Boy, that was very polite of you Stephanie, lol. I swear, if I have to sit in another in-service where I hear the next new wonderful thing that is the same thing we did a few years ago and didnt work then, I will go nuts. I finally started bringing my laptop and under the guise of taking notes, wrote my lesson plans, updated my webpage etc.

To think we could use that time to actually prepare for class! What a concept!

Speaking of which, yesterday was OUR InService. I had to TEACH one of our InServices this year... So, I spent my day doing an all-day revolving door workshop on creating teacher websites. Ugh! So much for cheating and doing something else!

I am a new 5th grade teacher. This is my first year. I work in a very small, rural school district. We have 2 elementary schools and one mddle school. The high school is in a different district about 10 miles away. I would appreciate any advise more experienced teachers can give me.