Loving Him without Losing You How to Stop Disappearing and Start Being Yourself, Beverly Engel. (Hardcover 0471355585)

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Loving Him without Losing You How to Stop Disappearing and Start Being Yourself
Author: Beverly Engel

Do you frequently find yourself putting your lover’s needs ahead of your own? Do you tend to lose yourself in your romantic relationships? Have you ever neglected your career, your friends, or even your health while in the midst of a love affair? If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, you are not alone. As with millions of wome... more »n who are otherwise strong and independent, the dream of a loving, intimate relationship may often seduce you into sacrificing crucial parts of your identity—whether it’s your social life, your time alone, your spiritual practice, or your beliefs and values. Now, in this landmark book, internationally acclaimed psychotherapist Beverly Engel dispels the silence surrounding the Disappearing Woman Syndrome. Although the Disappearing Woman—one who loses herself in her romantic relationships—is widely thought to be a throwback, in fact, more than seventy-five percent of all women today are affected by this pervasive and disturbing syndrome. Loving Him without Losing You presents the first compelling, contemporary examination of the intricate reasons why so many women submerge themselves in their relationships with men—and offers a straight-forward program that women can use to free themselves from the powerful grip of this all-too-common problem. Drawing on her twenty-five years of experience counseling women and families, Engel weaves together an insightful and provocative examination of the biological, cultural, and psychological influences on both sexes, giving us an astonishing look at what predisposes so many women to disappear in their relationships. She also outlines a complete program featuring dozens of empowering exercises and proactive steps along with several quizzes to determine if and to what degree you suffer from the Disappearing Woman Syndrome—all to help you rediscover yourself as a Woman of Substance. Among the strategies in this book are the SEVEN COMMITMENTS Disappearing Women must make in order to maintain their sense of self in relationships:

Learn to go slow
Be yourself and tell the truth about yourself
Maintain a separate life
Stay in the present and in reality
Don’t go changing to try to please him
Cultivate equal relationships
Speak your mind

Rich with the vivid, illuminating, and inspiring stories of women of all ages and walks of life who have struggled against—and triumphed over—the Disappearing Woman Syndrome, Loving Him without Losing You is a remarkable book that has the power to dramatically change your life for the better. Acclaim for Loving Him without Losing You "This remarkably helpful book offers new insights into why so many women surrender their individuality in relationships. Its strategies for relating fulfillingly to a man can rescue even the most vulnerable woman from sacrificing herself on the altar of love. Don’t wait until your hair is on fire to read it."—Maxine Schnall, founder and Executive Director of Wives Self Help, the first marital hotline in America, and author of Limits and Every Woman Can Be Adored "This book clearly explains why so many women find themselves in fantasy marriages and romances with real men. Beverly Engel urges women to think, evaluate, and risk rejection before they repeatedly jump into the same trap. In a gentle voice, she offers commonsense guidelines for telling the truth, learning to trust perceptions, and using solitude."—Evelyn Streit Cohen, M.S., M.A., marriage and family therapist and coauthor of Couple Fits: How to Live with the Person You Love "This is a book of depth and power. I highly recommend it not only to women who lose themselves in their relationships with men but to the parents of adolescent girls who need to be taught how to view themselves as valuable beings separate from their relationships with men and boys."—Michael Gurian, author of The Good Son: Shaping the Moral Development of Our Boys and Young Men and A Fine Young Man "A terrific book, written with authority and sensitivity to men as well as women. . . . Full of useful, fresh information."—Bradley Gerstman, Esq., Christopher Pizzo, C.P.A., and Rich Seldes, M.D., authors of What Men Want and Marry Me! "When I was in college, we were all Disappearing Women . . . . If we all had had this book, our lives might have turned out much differently. Buy it for yourself or someone you love."—Randi Kreger, coauthor of Stop Walking on Eggshells "Loving Him without Losing You is a wonderful resource and guide to finding oneself and to tapping into creativity as a part of one’s foundation for a life well lived."—Lucia Capacchione, Ph.D., author of Visioning: Ten Steps to Designing the Life of Your Dreams and The Creative Journal "Powerful wisdom and insight . . . . Unlike so many others, Beverly Engel doesn’t take the easy way out by blaming men but instead she explores the phenomenon from a biological, cultural, and psychological perspective and offers women empowering suggestions as to how to take responsibility for changing their situation."—Patti McDermott, author of How to Talk to Your Husband, How to Talk to Your Wife "Groundbreaking, provocative, and substantial, this book will light the fire of every woman who seeks true intimacy and strength."—Salli Rasberry, coauthor of Living Your Life Out Loud

ISBN-13: 9780471355588
ISBN-10: 0471355585
Publication Date: 4/7/2000
Pages: 304
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Publisher: Wiley
Book Type: Hardcover
Other Versions: Paperback
Members Wishing: 0
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Angelique B. (cozynblue) reviewed Loving Him without Losing You : How to Stop Disappearing and Start Being Yourself on 5/24/2007 + 36 more book reviews

Great book!! It really helped me to put on the breaks in my relationship with Steve. I will never lose myself in a man again!! and if I start to lose myself again I will pull this book off the shelf and read it again.

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Michelle (ShellyD77) - reviewed Loving Him without Losing You : How to Stop Disappearing and Start Being Yourself on 1/3/2007 + 193 more book reviews

This book literally changed my life. I felt like the author was talking directly to me and showed me things I was doing or feeling in my life that I had no idea about. It made step back, recognize them and then change them to improve myself and my relationships. My relationship with my boyfriend couldn't be better and I owe it all to this book. I recommend EVERY woman get this book.

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Peggy B. (peggysnew) reviewed Loving Him without Losing You : How to Stop Disappearing and Start Being Yourself on 5/10/2006 + 24 more book reviews

This book was excellent from an author that has been there. She really helped me and helped me get help.

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