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The Eclectic Pen - My mind echoes like a canyon

By: Sara C. (mustangirl)  
Date Submitted: 9/8/2010
Genre: Literature & Fiction » Poetry
Words: 424

  My mind echoes like a canyon
I have been thrown off this cliff
I must catch myself before the bottom
God has caught me

I hang on precariously
Sometimes I want to let go
I manage to hold on
God has hold of me

You gave me strength
I did not have to survive alone
Your face brightened up my day
I did not see it coming

I could not see it coming
You only gave one hint
God told me to run
I did not listen

You left me gasping for air
I was caught in a panic attack
My mind had trouble processing
God lifted me into His arms

I was in a daze
I saw but did not see
Panic attacks would seize me
Tears would burst forth at random

Eyes widen in shock
I cover my mouth to stop the screams
Whimpers would escape nonetheless
God clutched me to His chest

I felt naked and exposed
My mind raced for a distraction
The knife popped into view
I grabbed my Bible

Physical violence felt inevitable
Screaming felt like the only solution
I texted friends and family
God answered my calls

I woke up and the sun was shining
I had strength to start the day
I was optimistic
God gave me a light

I sat in class
My thoughts turned back to you
I was gripped with a panic attack
I looked anywhere to stop it

People I saw
Places I went
My thoughts turned back to you
God held my hand

I yearned to see you
Even for the briefest second
Your face not what I remembered
Disappointment turned into panic

I looked to friends for help
Their words did not register
I could only watch you in fascination
It did not yet feel real

Sitting all by yourself
I wanted to join you
I missed your voice
I missed your laugh

You left in a rush
My mind left to pick up the pieces
Panic still lurks but less often
God has begun the healing process

I look everywhere for you
I ask friends about you
Your face is serious and sad
I am at a loss

Your mind is no longer accessible
I donít know how you are doing
I worry but I want
My heart aches with this loss

I want to go to your room
Fall to my knees
Ask you to come back
Make me whole again

I only recall that look on your face
You feel pity but no remorse
You are fine and have moved on
I am unable to do so

I need you
I need closure
Night falls
Panic returns

My fear is back
I went to you for safety
That bridge has fallen
God builds a new one

I want the best for you
I want you back
Memories of stress flood back
The image of you is tainted

I see you walking around
You should be walking with me
The person I see is a stranger
I want to scream at him

You move on
I can only try
The want controls me
God controls the want

The Eclectic Pen » All Stories by Sara C. (mustangirl)

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