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The Eclectic Pen - The (Mis)adventures of My Family

By: Erin D. (ErinMarie)   + 2 more  
Date Submitted: 4/16/2007
Last Updated: 4/16/2007
Words: 433

  As much as I'd like to think that my family is boring, I have to admit sometimes that between all of us, there are a great number of stories that make the listener say "You did WHAT?" There was the time my uncle swallowed a quarter, and the time my dad blew up his neighbor's back porch. My mom lay down in the middle of the street on a busy hill once for a quarter, and I needed three baths after playing in and around a wood stove. Then there was the time that my dad went under a moving car while sledding, or the time that my mom and my uncle split a bottle of baby aspirin, thinking it was candy. And of course, no one can forget the day that Grandpa met Aerosmith and called them "nice young lads."

Of all these stories (and the many more), my favorite has to be when my cousin Jeffrey decided to cook dinner for his mom. Jeffrey has ADHD and always needs to know everybody's business. Even now, at eighteen, he rarely stays seated for longer than a meal. When he was younger, his high energy levels and his insatiable curiosity used to get him into a lot of trouble as well as landing him in the emergency room on a regular basis. Once, after Jeffrey had broken his arm by launching himself out of a grocery store shopping cart, the emergency room doctor was going to file a child abuse report on my aunt. Before doing so, he called Jeffrey's pediatrician to confirm his suspicions. Jeffrey's doctor responded by saying "Why don't you take him home for an hour and count the new bumps and bruises he gets in that time."

When Jeffrey was three or four, my aunt woke up in the middle of the night to noises coming from the kitchen. When she got downstairs, she found Jeffrey standing on a chair in front of the stove, with a raw steak in a pan over the lit gas burner. Jeffrey turned to her with a huge smile and said "Look Mommy, I'm cooking you a snake."

From that day on, there were locks on all of the cabinets and the fridge, and the knobs to the stove were kept in a high cabinet when not in use. When I hear other people's stories of how they were horrible children, I just laugh and ask if they ever gave their mother a heart attack by cooking a piece of "snake."

The Eclectic Pen » All Stories by Erin D. (ErinMarie)

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Comments 1 to 3 of 3
IONE L. (zaneygraylady) - 4/16/2007 7:18 PM ET
I love these kinds of stories.
JOYCE W. (luvthemgoats) - 4/16/2007 9:20 PM ET
Wow. Interesting and well written.
Marta J. (booksnob) - 4/17/2007 1:19 PM ET
I really enjoyed this, particularly your grandfather's reaction to Aerosmith!
Comments 1 to 3 of 3