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The Eclectic Pen - The Morning After

By: Tanya M. (smeghead)  
Date Submitted: 1/1/2007
Last Updated: 1/1/2007
Genre: Literature & Fiction » Short Stories & Anthologies
Words: 349

  I opened my eyes and looked up at a ceiling that I didnít recognize. It was hovering very close to me and I thought I had to be drunk, why would the ceiling be so close?

I sat up slowly hoping not to interrupt the snores next to me. I looked around and found nothing familiar about the room, about the pale legs the stuck out from beneath the sheets or about the arm that disappeared over the edge of the bed.

I gathered my clothes tucking them under my arm and made a mad dash for the bathroom praying to God my bare ass hadnít been seen. I softly closed the door and dropped my clothes on the floor. My legs buckled beside the porcelain bowl then I hacked my nightís sins into the bottom.

I washed my mouth out in the rusting sink. This was hell. This was where you go when you lust without remorse. You end up in the bathroom trapped by the snore in the other room and the bathroom window that is not wide enough to fit womanly hips.

I quickly got dressed making sure to hold off putting on my shoes. I slowly opened the door and began to do the Pink Panther sneak out of the room. Something made me look back to find that the snoring ruckus was no longer there. The bed was empty. Hell just got hotter. I would have to face my forgotten night romp. I tried squeezing a name out of my brain. A name would help.

Oh GodÖ Oh GodÖ

Iím pretty sure that is not his name.

I opened the door and found the living room empty as well. I quickly made my way to the door and saw a note tacked to it.

There is coffee in the kitchen and croissants on the counter. Iím in the den if you want to say hi instead of sneaking out.

Calling me Sweets made me think that he most likely didnít remember my name either.

Coffee and croissants in the den or should I hit the Starbucks that is two blocks away from my home?

The Eclectic Pen » All Stories by Tanya M. (smeghead)

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Comments 1 to 5 of 5
Jo V. (jovan) - 1/2/2007 12:15 PM ET
One of the dangers of writing in first person POV is that "I" will dominate your story. Too many sentences start with I, setting up a distracting rhythm. One good rule of thumb is to never start consecutive sentences with the same sentence. The same rule holds for consecutive paragraphs.
Jfx M. (housedad) - 1/2/2007 1:19 PM ET
I disagree. The constant 'I' provides a necessary cadence to the panicked narrative; enhancing not distracting. Notice how, when our hero calms, the Iís disappear? PS: If he was discreet enough to slip away and kind enough to provide refreshments, heís worth a peek ;O)
Elizabeth B. (meowysmiles) - - 1/4/2007 7:46 PM ET
~Good Write~
Claudia (BrokenWing) - 2/14/2007 3:14 PM ET
this is when you start thinking . . . it may be time to give up drinking.
Stacy B. (stori) - 7/8/2008 11:19 AM ET
Ummmmmmm. I kinda agree with all the other comments except the one about using all the I's I think your story as absolutely wonderful!!=)
Comments 1 to 5 of 5