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The Eclectic Pen - Morning Meditation

By: Sophira B. (sophiraness)   + 13 more  
Date Submitted: 11/25/2008
Words: 604

  I walk to work in the rain, looking up at the sky for my peace and strength. Anger flows through me at the mornings events, yet I seek starve it until it dies. This is something I cannot do; this is something that must be done for me. I realize, in my morning meditations, that Ive been lied to. Ive lied to myself. Who ever told us that we owned anything? Who lied to me, and said there was anything I should feel is owed to me? Where did these hidden, insidious expectations come from? Who says that we should have pride, or self respect, or even personal space? Who said that I should expect people to remember my birthday, or hug me when Im crying; who said that no one should bump me on the train, or being filled with pride is better than being humble? Who said being right should be announced out loud, and being wrong should be denied? Who? Who said these things? Everything I have was given to me by someone else, even my life is not my own. Did I decide to live? Did I choose to have a working brain that demands self respect and to be heard? Many times Ive wondered, Ive wished that Id never been born, that all the decisions that lie before me werent mines to make. I can barely decide what to eat for lunch, or what bill to pay when money is low; I can barely decide to deny myself another cup of wine, or whether I should let the fight with my husband go. Ive realized an ultimate truth: We own nothing! Anything that we have was given to us by someone else. I could not choose to not be mentally disabled more than I can choose the color of my skin. Do not lie to your self anymore, Sophira, I say in my morning meditations. You own nothing. You own no house, no money, no husband, you should not expect anything from anyone you barely own your emotions you can barely even control those! You do not own your life, you do not own your brain, you do not own whatever is on you, or in you, or with you. None of it is truly yours. None of it came into your hands by your own doing. The job that you head to right now, the one you hate sometimes, and tolerate other times did you get it? I could argue YES! I got it, I worked hard, I go every day! I got it from my own efforts! So what of the brain? Who gave your brain the ability to work, to function, who decided that I would not be stillborn, or that I wouldnt be born with a learning defect, or that I would be born with legs that work, legs to walk in the rain? Does that mean the handicapped, or the dead, or the unemployed have no rights and I do? What lies! What lies I believed, what foolishness has blinded me for 26 years. Have mercy on me, Lord, I pray as I reach the train station and head underground. Its 8:53, and I know that I will be late. I cannot change the time, so I pray that I wont get there too late. And I think, all that I have it was meant to be given. It was given to me, and I must give it to others. Who? Who am I giving it to? How do I give it? AhIll leave that for another morning meditation.

The Eclectic Pen » All Stories by Sophira B. (sophiraness)

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Comments 1 to 4 of 4
ericjasongastelum - 11/26/2008 3:21 AM ET
this is like vanilla leafs and dried camomile petals in my smoking pipe; so gentle on my lungs, so gentle to put me to sleep.
Lena S. (SquirrelNutkin) - 11/26/2008 6:32 AM ET
In one beatuifully worded piece, you have shown me I am not alone in how I am feeling. Thank you for the hope.
Carrie K. - 11/28/2008 6:26 PM ET
God has given us all we have, and he has the right to take it. Walking in the rain seems to agree with you, and how wonderful it is when we give everything up to God, who has given us live, and all things pertaining to it. Then we really begin to live.
Veronica S. (snowkitty) - , - 11/29/2008 1:04 PM ET
Wow!! That was cool. Loved it.
Comments 1 to 4 of 4