When I quit smoking, I chose to quit cold turkey - put them down and never touch them again. My husband, on the other hand, embarked on his own plan. On January 1st, he gave up his trusty Marlboro Reds ™ in favor of the occasional cigar. The occasional cigar became the five- a -day cigar. When my husband realized he was smoking too many cigars, he tried to cut back…and picked up a can of dip. He would tell me that a can of dip would last him almost a week. But as the cigars did, the dip became a more frequent presence protruding from his lip. It seemed as though every time I saw my wonderful man he had his lip packed, turning his head to spit.

As an x-smoker, I know the power of the almighty cigarette. There are still days I would love to take a long deep drag, making my head spin in delight. However, like an alcoholic, I know I am a smoke-a-holic. If I smoke one cigarette, I will be back to a pack-a-day habit very quickly.

I often questioned my husband about smoking - how he was doing with trying to quit. He quickly popped off that I thought about it more than he did. Maybe I did. I quit asking but kept secretly watching and observing. The cigars came to a halt and the dip started slowing down. The less I questioned my hard working husband the less I would think about it. Maybe the nasty nicotine demon was being defeated.

Oh how tricky and luring a nicotine habit can be. During last week, we have engaged in some ridiculous arguments or tiffs. I cannot figure out why they started. Possibly, my lack of sleep from a newborn is driving me to crankiness or better yet, the brink of insanity. Yet it seemed like my husband was jumping at everything I said and reacting very quickly and in an inappropriate manner. I reflected on what was going on. Was I being a bitch and nagging? Was my “tone” wrong? Was he just tired from working too much? Last night during our dispute over strawberries it dawned on me what was going on. He was upset over something trivial (at least to me) when he got up, threw on some cloths and said he had to go to the store and get a cigar because he had to smoke something. Aha!! That nasty nicotine demon rearing it‘s ugly head.

I sit here and wonder, is he really ready to quit. Or I guess I question more, am I ready for him to quit? I know the health risks but what about my mental risk during his period of short tempered insanity? I know he wants badly to give of the habit, but not for himself as much as for our 6 month old son. How could we ever tell our son not to smoke if we partake in this addictive habit?

And I begin to realize the one relaxing cigarette quickly becomes a nasty expensive habit, wrapping it’s claws around your health, your emotions and your pocketbook. I have heard from other former smokers the urge for a cigarette never fully goes away. I just hope the cravings subside soon for the sake of a happy household. But right now, I sure could use a cigarette!

The Eclectic Pen » All Stories by Brandy M. (jimaneye)

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Comments 1 to 4 of 4

IONE L. (zaneygraylady) - 5/25/2007 3:24 PM ET

I quit smoking long before my husband did. I also quit cold turkey. It's been years and I no longer even desire it. My husband kept trying and finally quit. I remember begging him to just have cigarette just so he would be human again. Just hang in there for your baby. I also didn't allow anyone to smoke in the house or around the kids.

Marta J. (booksnob) - 5/25/2007 4:47 PM ET

I also quit cold turkey MANY years ago, and while the desire hung around for a long time, it did eventually subside and disappear entirely. Being an oncology nurse sure drives home the rampant destructiveness of nicotine! Keep up the good work--it's so worth it.

JOYCE W. (luvthemgoats) - 5/26/2007 10:47 PM ET

Keep up the great work, I know how hard it is to even try to quit as I have tried several times and as of yet am not succesful. I turn into BITCH woman and do not know how to handle it at all. I is an expensive, nasty habit that I hope someday i have the will power to Quit.

Ani P. (ALittleMagick) - 6/2/2007 8:22 PM ET

My s/o quit with the help of the gum. This helped keep a handle on the cravings and kept the nicotine monster entertained while our family enjoyed of his company. He started cold turkey but I couldn't deal with him so I drove him to the closest dept store an bought a box of the store brang. He didnt follow the instructions and only used the gums according to his need and not necessarily the clock. This worked for us. I wish you the best...

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The Eclectic Pen - The Nicotine Demon

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