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Topic: Am I rude?

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Subject: Am I rude?
Date Posted: 4/24/2009 10:42 AM ET
Member Since: 3/30/2009
Posts: 14
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All, I rec'd this in a PM:

"So glad you received the book.

So sorry you didn't take a minute to say thanks.

Hope you enjoy the read as much as I did but I will not send you another book in the future because of your lack of a simple courtesy of saying thank you."


Personally, I get a lot of email and check my email at yahoo (not downloaded into outlook).  I get a little annoyed when I see an email with a personal message from someone and it's a one line 'thanks'.  I know that being here involves some effort, but I feel that my efforts don't need to be recognized because everyone else is doing the same.

I would say that about 1/2 the people I mail books to don't say thanks. 

What do YOU do?  Do you get upset when someone doesn't say thanks?

I thought about replying to the PM, but couldn't think of a single thing to say...

Thanks, Juli

Date Posted: 4/24/2009 10:44 AM ET
Member Since: 3/11/2008
Posts: 1,986
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I say thanks when I receive a book, but by no means do I expect that from others.

This person was rude to you, not the reverse. Ignore him/her and move on.

I hope your have better experiences in the future.

Date Posted: 4/24/2009 10:52 AM ET
Member Since: 10/6/2007
Posts: 376
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sounds to me like someone was having an off day, and it wasn't you.

If the worst thing that happened to me was not receiving a thank-you PM that day, I'd be a very happy person, especially since I'd already know the recipient got it from my PBS notification email. I'd just figure the recipient was hopefully busy reading and /or enjoying life.

oh, and ETA: if I had to go through every transaction request to be sure it wasn't a member I didn't want to trade with, I'd be more than a little unhappy. I hope that person is now over his/herself. There are plenty of things in life to worry about without adding to that list!!

Last Edited on: 4/24/09 10:55 AM ET - Total times edited: 2
Date Posted: 4/24/2009 10:52 AM ET
Member Since: 3/18/2009
Posts: 250
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I agree, that person was INCREDIBLY rude.  I don't always thank people for the book, unless it was a deal, or something other that gives me reason.

The reason I don't, is that while I like getting thanks for sending books out, it's not a reqirement at all, and sometimes it gets tedious when I get a bunch of one word PMs just saying thanks.  Hope that makes sense.  I honestly wish they would take that part off the book receipt page. 

Date Posted: 4/24/2009 10:55 AM ET
Member Since: 1/28/2007
Posts: 765
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Oh Oh.  Another hapless book reader nabbed by the Thank You Police.  :))  You will find (like I did) that this is a hot button topic here.  I say Thank You sometimes.  Others say Thank You all the time.

Dan (for Marilyn)

Date Posted: 4/24/2009 11:09 AM ET
Member Since: 3/8/2007
Posts: 2,560
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WOW!!  She is inferring you are rude?  I didn't realize miss Manners was here trading books with us,  and looks like she needs to brush up on her etiquette.  It is much more rude and discourteous to correct another adult.  Jeez.

(and BTW, while I do thank others for books,  I don't believe it is wrong not to thank).


Date Posted: 4/24/2009 11:11 AM ET
Member Since: 7/1/2008
Posts: 7,314
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I always say, at least, thank you (and usually add something else), but I don't always receive a thanks (almost always, though).  I've met some really great buddies just by the initial thank you message; I've also sent and received books (WL and regular) because of meeting people through the initial message (talking about the book/series/author/genre). I don't get upset if I don't receive a thank you back (and would never send a message like the one the OP received), but I would never not send a thank you (because I am grateful for the book and I do want the req to know that.  IMO, to each, his own :)


Date Posted: 4/24/2009 11:21 AM ET
Member Since: 8/9/2007
Posts: 4,058
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Lol!  The old thank you beast rears its ugly head yet again:P   Someone who has nothing better to do with her time than grumble at people because they weren't grateful to them for doing what they agreed to do when they joined here is probably more concerned with everyone else's manners than they are with their own:P

Date Posted: 4/24/2009 11:40 AM ET
Member Since: 7/29/2008
Posts: 108
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Juli- I don't believe you were the one who was rude. I don't mind getting the thank you notes and have discovered several new authors because of discussions started from them. I also do not get upset if I don't get one.  I personally always send a thank you note, I can't help myself it's how I was raised. I just hope my perky little notes don't offend people.

Last Edited on: 4/24/09 12:01 PM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 4/24/2009 11:44 AM ET
Member Since: 10/30/2005
Posts: 3,562
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rotfl~ and it comes with a unique twist to the tale!

Hope you enjoy the read as much as I did but I will not send you another book in the future because of your lack of a simple courtesy of saying thank you."

Seems to me that this would be more against the "spirit of PBS" than not saying thank you for a normal run-of-the-mill-completed-this-is-what-we-joined-PBS-to-do transaction!

Poor Juli.

Thank you for not sending a thank you.

Date Posted: 4/24/2009 11:59 AM ET
Member Since: 8/1/2007
Posts: 5,034
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I generally don't include a Thank You either unless it was a particularly desired book or its in surprisingly good condition.  Other than that, I consider I am doing good  just to mark it received.  I do wonder why this person felt the need to reprimand someone for not saying thank you.  PBS books are not gifts, but a business transaction.  If people want to say thanks, fine... if they don't want to say thanks, fine.

I would probably respond with something simple like:

"Thank you for your PM.  I am sorry my receiving the book without including a message hurt your feelings."


Anissa (WVgrrl) - ,
Date Posted: 4/24/2009 12:04 PM ET
Member Since: 1/16/2009
Posts: 432
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I don't think you're rude at all, Juli. I hardly ever send a message when I get a book. The only time I do is if it is a book in amazing condition or one that I was really excited to receive. (Usually those are really hard-to-find Harry Potter books.) Or if the sender and I had already been communicating regarding the transaction. But I never send one that just says "Thanks."

Sometimes I get messages from others thanking me for the book. It is only about 20% I'd say. Most just say "thanks," and I don't even reply to those. If the person has a little more to say then I'll usually just reply with a generic, "Glad you're happy with the book, hope you enjoy it," sort of message.

And as someone mentioned above, it is horrible manners to critique someone else's manners. The point of good manners is to make others feel comfortable. Even if someone is drinking soup out a bowl at a fancy dinner, you are never supposed to comment on it. To do so is considered even more gauche, since you would make the soup drinker feel uncomfortable and self-conscious. The person who sent you this very impolite PM is obviously a cretin. :-)

Date Posted: 4/24/2009 12:04 PM ET
Member Since: 5/16/2008
Posts: 2,276
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You are NOT rude! The other person is, plus let's add control-freak and total downer. Everyone else has chimed in too and you should feel better. Think of it this way- if you purely order from FIFO, the odds of you ever ordering from this person again are slim. She will have the onus of having to check every order from now on to see if it's from you and decide whether to mail it out or not. I personally would NOT write back an apology about hurting her feelings. No WAY. As MANY MANY threads about the thank yous have said, her mailing the book to you was not an act of kindess, a favor, etc. You PAID a credit for the book, she is then required to send it to receive that credit. She did send it, so she fulfilled her part of the transaction. PERIOD. I don't send thank yous unless it's a deal or something or someone specifically posts to my WL. And I don't prefer to GET the thank yous either. Let it go and forget about her!

Date Posted: 4/24/2009 12:12 PM ET
Member Since: 10/13/2007
Posts: 36,445
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You're not required to send a thank you every time you recieve a book.  I dont expect one nor do I find it rude if they do not send one.

I think it is more rude to send a PM like that to someone who is following the PBS rules.  SHe was notified by PBS that you got the book since you did what is required and marked it received.

I wouldnt bother replying to her, it could make her feel like she was justified in her rude PM.

Date Posted: 4/24/2009 12:15 PM ET
Member Since: 5/10/2005
Posts: 2,434
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You aren't rude. There is a wide disagreement over what is "mannerly" in the case of thank you.

I can't find it in myself to be too upset over their PM, though.  I keep trying to giggle. 

Date Posted: 4/24/2009 12:26 PM ET
Member Since: 4/21/2007
Posts: 304
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This person has way too much time on their hands.

Date Posted: 4/24/2009 12:27 PM ET
Member Since: 4/21/2007
Posts: 304
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PM them the link to this thread. I'd love to hear the rational behind their rudeness.

Last Edited on: 4/24/09 1:06 PM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 4/24/2009 1:04 PM ET
Member Since: 5/16/2008
Posts: 2,276
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I think BookBinge's idea is priceless. Do it! Then see if she comes in here and whines. I doubt it. Somehow I think she'll get *very quiet.* Well, if anything, perhaps reading this thread will stop her from sending nastygrams to other members. I think she's going to severely limit the people she can send to if she'll only send to those who thank her!

Date Posted: 4/24/2009 1:05 PM ET
Member Since: 8/15/2007
Posts: 3,044
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I say thank you most of the time but don't expect it in return. I just like acknowledging a nice member who sent a nice book.

The times I don't say thank you are when something is wrong with the book but nothing so severe as a RWAP. If the packaging was bad, the book smells, they took seven days after they marked a book sent to send it, etc.

Date Posted: 4/24/2009 1:19 PM ET
Member Since: 3/30/2009
Posts: 14
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Thanks all, I didn't think I was being rude by not saying thanks.  I did it a lot in the beginning.  I just hated the thought that perhaps I might be violating some cultural norm here.


I don't think I'll send her the link.  It would only turn into an argument, and I have no desire for that. 

Date Posted: 4/24/2009 1:22 PM ET
Member Since: 1/28/2007
Posts: 765
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Heather B: >>I think BookBinge's idea is priceless<<     Whoa, remind me to never cross BookBinge  :))

I think that Lita M's suggestion is gracious;
Lita M:>>I would probably respond with something simple like: "Thank you for your PM.  I am sorry my receiving the book without including a message hurt your feelings."<<

Date Posted: 4/24/2009 1:31 PM ET
Member Since: 12/28/2006
Posts: 14,177
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It's a no win situation Juli, some members expect a thank you and some absolutely don't want a thank you.  As Kim says, the thank you beast frequently rears it's ugly head and roars whines.

Date Posted: 4/24/2009 1:39 PM ET
Member Since: 1/19/2009
Posts: 2,054
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Lol. I've heard it all now. Crazy. Ya'll don't have to thank me I won't cry.

Date Posted: 4/24/2009 2:07 PM ET
Member Since: 12/23/2005
Posts: 3,065
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I hope I would ignore such a PM.

However, I'd probably send a scathingly nasty reply.

Date Posted: 4/24/2009 2:42 PM ET
Member Since: 8/23/2007
Posts: 26,510
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You could report it to PBS.

I don't send thank yous unless I got a deal from someone or they sent me more than 1 of my WL books.  I would prefer not to get them either. I have a very slow computer and it is a pain to come on and read a bunch of PMs that are just thank yous.  Or when you PM to say thank and they respond with a thank you for the thank you-ugh.  But I don't really mind them that much.  I just don't think they are necessary.  I paid a credit for the book-it's not like they didn't get anything for sending it to me.