Steamed Black Rhinoceros
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1-1.5 ton - Black Rhinoceros [Diceros bicornis]
1) Book passage to the Ngoro Ngoro Crater (Tanzania). Travel light: this recipie wil require little more than a kazoo (or loud voice) and an excellent pair of running shoes.
2) Approach a Diceros bicornis as close as posible, as this animal's eyesight is exremely poor.
3) While it is eating or sunning itself, blow loudly on the kazoo or make loud noises. Do both if time and/or the animal permits.
4) If the recipe involves an alpha-male or nursing mother, your actions will immediately steam the animal...who will then charge at you with alarming speed.
5) Run (with equally alarming speed) to the Land Rover you parked nearby. Do not waste time opening the door; climb on top of the vehicle and grab the well constructed luggage rack. This will help, possibly.
6) if you and your vehicle survive this encounter, you can boost at your next culinary gathering that you have some experience with steaming a Black Rhinoceros.
Next week: Roc in a wok.
I'd also love to know how Red Lobster makes those wonderful rolls they serve with entrees. Really.