Steamed Black Rhinoceros Recipe

Title:	Steamed Black Rhinoceros
Dish:	Quick & Easy
Dish Type:	Other
Cooking Method:	Steamed
Diet:	Vegetarian
Difficulty:	1 / 10
Servings:	none
Prep Time:	10-30 seconds
Cook Time:

Ingredients

1-1.5 ton - Black Rhinoceros [Diceros bicornis]

Directions

1) Book passage to the Ngoro Ngoro Crater (Tanzania). Travel light: this recipie wil require little more than a kazoo (or loud voice) and an excellent pair of running shoes.

2) Approach a Diceros bicornis as close as posible, as this animal's eyesight is exremely poor.

3) While it is eating or sunning itself, blow loudly on the kazoo or make loud noises. Do both if time and/or the animal permits.

4) If the recipe involves an alpha-male or nursing mother, your actions will immediately steam the animal...who will then charge at you with alarming speed.

5) Run (with equally alarming speed) to the Land Rover you parked nearby. Do not waste time opening the door; climb on top of the vehicle and grab the well constructed luggage rack. This will help, possibly.

6) if you and your vehicle survive this encounter, you can boost at your next culinary gathering that you have some experience with steaming a Black Rhinoceros.

Next week: Roc in a wok.

Notes

I'd also love to know how Red Lobster makes those wonderful rolls they serve with entrees. Really.

Leave a comment about this recipe...

Bonnie A. (Mizzou) -
8/25/2008 4:08 PM ET

Well, I expect my grandchild will return to Tanzania some day, but will have no need for this recipe, since she became a vegetarian about three years ago. I had my doubts about that, but she is one of the healthiest young women you could hope to see . . . Looking forward to reading about roc in a wok . .

Latricia F. (tsatske)
8/15/2008 11:28 PM ET

RED LOBSTER BISCUITS (CHEESE GARLIC BISCUITS) 2 c. Bisquick 2/3 c. buttermilk 1/2 c. grated cheddar cheese 1/2 c. melted butter 1/4 tsp. minced garlic 1/4 tsp. dehydrated onion 1/4 tsp. garlic salt Mix Bisquick, buttermilk and cheddar until a soft ball forms. Stir in minced garlic and dehydrated onion. Beat vigorously for 30 seconds. Drop by balls onto an ungreased baking sheet and bake at 450 degrees for 8 to 10 minutes. Mix butter and garlicsalt together and brush on rolls while still on the pan and hot. YUM! (But it is unclear to me how they will go with Steamed Black Rhino. Maybe you should just stick to serving them with seafood, along with a chilled white zinfandel?)

Megan G. (mercurygray)
8/11/2008 3:35 PM ET

This reminds me of Shel Silverstein's poem "Recipe for a Hippopotamus Sandwich" from "Where The Sidewalk Ends."

Kerisa R. (kisa319)
8/7/2008 3:48 PM ET

Funny! For the rolls, go to cooks.com and search for "Red Lobster biscuits". There are several variations, but I think you should find what you're looking for. :)

Joan B. (readinmama)
8/5/2008 11:15 PM ET

I was going to leave a blurb about you asking their chef, but then I thought "Gee how will you get an answer while he's running away from those Steamed Lobsters? He'll be running fast". - You can probably call the restuarant headquarters for the roll recipe! :)

Favorite Recipes: Steamed Black Rhinoceros

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