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Book Review of All the Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right

All the Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right
Kraduate avatar reviewed Horrid on + 35 more book reviews
Helpful Score: 1


Didn't look like my kind of book from the get-go but it's been sitting on my desk as a TBR for at least a year so I figured I should at least flip through it.
So I randomly open up to a random page and this is the first thing I read:

"Don't get sloppy about your looks. Continue to exercise. Men don't leave women who put on twenty pounds after the wedding or the first baby, but if you want your fiance or husband to keep drooling over you, keep fit."

Excuse me!?! Am I reading an issue of Cosmo from 1955? Do women really take these "time-tested secrets for capturing the heart of Mr. Right" seriously? Wow.

But I can't 1-star a book based on just that. So I've opened up to more random pages.

"Even men who are in love with you and want to marry you will occaisonally say things to irk you or make you nervous, such as, 'I'll take you there if we're still seeing each other next year...you know how relationships go.' Don't get paranoid, just ignore him. Most girls would make a big fuss about it and get mad. Rules girls stay calm when men tease them."

Shut. the. hell. up. I can't take much more of this.

Now that you know what not to do, what should you do to attract your man on campus?
.
Eat sensibly.Remember overweight is not The Rules..
Wear makeup. Read Glamour and other popular fashion magazines..
Dont sit in your room alone on Friday and Saturday nights reading Jean-Paul Sartre. Friday and Saturday nights are for mingling. You can read Sartre on Monday..

WTF. This is now making me sick to my stomach. Are you seriously telling me if I read Glamour and other fashion magazines, Ill get a man? Are you KIDDING me!?! Wait. Perhaps they are kidding me. Is this a Satire? Is this book tagged humor?
Sorry to say, no it isnt. It says right here on the books spine Advice/Relationships. *sigh*

What I find most offensive about the above excerpt is the implication that The Rules dont even apply to plus sized ladies. God forbid a fat woman needs advice on how to find a man. She better wear extra makeup and carry around a Chick-Lit book in her back pocket. Cause you know, reading Sartre would kill her chances even more. *rolls eyes*

OK. One more quote and then this book goes in the freebie pile at work.

Act confident even if you dont feel it. Notice what kinds of clothes, shoes, bags, jewelry, and hairstyles the most popular kids in high school are wearing. Dont try to be too different of frugal in this area. Youll feel lousy, so its not worth it. To see whats hot and not, subscribe to Seventeen and Glamour. Dont let your mind tell you that this is superficial and beneath you. (Save your mind for final exams and the SATs.) Dont you like boys who wear Polo shirts and cowboy boots when thats in fashion? Well, they like girls who wear whats on MTV and in Seventeen.

Oh. No. It. Didnt. Go. There. Yes, girls, dont think! Your only concern is to be just like everyone else! Wear makeup! Spend all your money on clothes! Read garbage! Focus all your energy on finding a man!

Heres my advice, for what its worth: Act like yourself. Make your own decisions about who you are and what kind of man you want. And if he doesnt like you because you arent a superficial sheep, that is his problem.
In my experience, the second I stopped trying so hard to find someone is when I finally found Mr. Right. Who loves me for the woman I am. And I followed only my own rules. And so should you, sister!