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Topic: Any rule against cussin' people out? (Not me; someone else.)

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Subject: Any rule against cussin' people out? (Not me; someone else.)
Date Posted: 2/5/2008 8:48 PM ET
Member Since: 1/4/2008
Posts: 389
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As I mentioned in a previous thread, I was sent a slightly damaged book which I felt I could not repost for fear the next person would be angry at ME for the book's condition. 

So, I asked for a credit back.  The sender gave me the credit, but told me to send the book back.  Then I came here to the boards and asked for advice.  I believe someone told me that I did not have to return the book, but she should give me a credit because it was damaged.  And if I did return the book she should give me another credit to cover mailing the book back to her.

I tried to convey this information to her in a nice manner, but she wrote back saying "F--- you!  You have my book and my credit!"  She apparently thought I was trying to rip her off.  I sent all of the above info to my Tour Guide to see what I should do next.

Jiminy crickets!  I came here for a pleasant time exchanging books.  I don't want any trouble.  But folks have to be prepared to follow the rules if they want to play this game, right?  I may just mail the book back anyway.  This person really needs help in controlling her anger!


Date Posted: 2/5/2008 8:54 PM ET
Member Since: 5/18/2007
Posts: 13,223
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She didn't have to give you a credit back and you don't have to send her the book back.There is no absolute rule about returning credits or returning books.  There are about postable books and because of that it's an acceptable practice to ask for your credit back if you receive an unpostable book.

If someone had cussed me out I would have simply moved on. Too many other more important things in my life to worry about! :)

Date Posted: 2/5/2008 8:57 PM ET
Member Since: 1/4/2008
Posts: 389
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I agree, but I'm a people pleaser at heart.  I'd almost like to give her the credit back, but that would involve becoming buddies and I'm not sure I want to open another can of worms!  8-)

Date Posted: 2/5/2008 9:01 PM ET
Member Since: 8/15/2005
Posts: 4,469
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Personally, if someone told me F--You I certainly wouldn't be trying to do anything to be nice to them after that--before sure, but not after.

Date Posted: 2/5/2008 9:04 PM ET
Member Since: 7/31/2007
Posts: 2,695
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There are rules about what is and isn't postable. When we get an unpostable book we are within our rights to request a return of the credit.  If the sender requests the book back you do not have to send it but, you are here again within your rights to request an additional credit to cover postage or the actual postage money itself. 

The following are the instructions in the Help Center in regards to what to do if someone is rude in a PM (I'd say the sender is being rude.)  Considering what you have said about the sender I would follow the following instructions...remember by reporting this sender you may be saving countless others from experiencing what you are now dealing with.

If a member (sender or requestor) is rude or abusive during a PM exchange about a book, we can be notifiedWe will review the PM exchange and take action commensurate to the offense.


Date Posted: 2/5/2008 9:08 PM ET
Member Since: 3/6/2006
Posts: 3,070
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Absolutely let R&R know.  I'm not offended by the f word but THAT  would have really ticked me off, very uncalled for esp if she sent you an unpostable.  Definitely let R&R know, the sender may be this way with other folks as well.

Date Posted: 2/5/2008 9:15 PM ET
Member Since: 8/1/2007
Posts: 965
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After reading this thread and the other one about "garbage", I'm inspired to not let things slide anymore. I think it's necessary that these bad apples be weeded out once and for all. I've never had an issue marking RWP but  from now on, I'm always going to ask for my credit back politely of course. If I get it back, great. If the sender refuses and is rude in the process well great too. I'll just forward the PM's to R&R. I really think it's up to us to make sure these people are dealt with so others don't have to go through this.

Date Posted: 2/5/2008 9:26 PM ET
Member Since: 4/25/2007
Posts: 11,697
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If she didn't want to send you a credit to cover postage for the book, then she should have sent you the money to mail the book back then.  It's simplier to send a credit but actual postage would be a bit less.  The rules of the site clearly say you don't need to return her unpostable book.  Definitely let R&R know about the rude PM.

Date Posted: 2/5/2008 9:36 PM ET
Member Since: 10/23/2005
Posts: 7,719
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That type of response is inappropriate here and should definitely be reported. I use the F word all the time in my response to people and situations but only in my own head! It never ceases to amaze me when the person who is in the wrong is angrier than the one who isn't.

Date Posted: 2/5/2008 9:38 PM ET
Member Since: 5/18/2007
Posts: 13,223
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I use the F word all the time in my response to people and situations but only in my own head!

I had to laugh - you had me for a second. lol

Date Posted: 2/5/2008 10:22 PM ET
Member Since: 12/30/2007
Posts: 1,739
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Sounds like they need to request a book on social skills. !

Date Posted: 2/5/2008 10:27 PM ET
Member Since: 8/16/2007
Posts: 15,225
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That's so wrong Lisa, not only does she send you a crappy book, she cusses at you too :( I hope you let R&R know, there is no reason for you, or anyone else for that matter, to have to put up with a member like that. If she didn't want you to have her credit and her book, she shouldn't have sent you an unpostable!

Date Posted: 2/5/2008 11:00 PM ET
Member Since: 12/23/2005
Posts: 1,159
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Yes Lisa, report the member to R&R.

Date Posted: 2/6/2008 6:38 AM ET
Member Since: 11/14/2005
Posts: 1,442
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Wow, Lisa, I'm sorry you had such a bad experience here!  Please rest assured that the majority of members here are kind, friendly, and very respectful of others.  You have unfortunately come in contact with one of the view very unfriendly ones. 

Definitely PLEASE copy the entire PM and send it to R&R.  You should not tolerate such abuse.


Date Posted: 2/6/2008 7:19 AM ET
Member Since: 1/1/2006
Posts: 547
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Lisa - Get some books on your wishlist!  It's hard to do something nice for people when they don't have books on their wishlist.  Hint, Hint.  :)


Date Posted: 2/6/2008 1:23 PM ET
Member Since: 4/20/2006
Posts: 5,747
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Lisa, you didn't do anything wrong.  You received a crappy book, and did exactly what the help section says to do....marked it so and asked for your credit back.  She did what she should have done...refunded your credit.  You are under no obligation to send her book back, and she is totally in the wrong for cussing at you, especially when you are following the PBS guidelines.  Report her and let it go.  Keep the credit....it's yours.  She should have kept her crappy book at home instead of trying to pass it off on someone else.

Date Posted: 2/6/2008 1:37 PM ET
Member Since: 7/9/2007
Posts: 142
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I'm so sorry you've had this experience, Lisa.  I completely understand what you're going through; I've had a similar (though no cuss words) exchange this week that has left a bad taste in my mouth.  Luckily, I've dealt with enough good members to put this instance in perspective.  Don't this member get you down!

Date Posted: 2/6/2008 2:04 PM ET
Member Since: 8/1/2007
Posts: 5,034
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You sure got a lemon.  Realize that that sender is the exception as oposed to the rule here.  I too have people pleasing tendencies and want everyone to be happy and inparticularly  happy with ME.  I used to make myself miserable worrying that someone might be upset with me.  Now I realize that I can't help their thoughts, emotions,  perceptions... and I strive to give it NO power over me.  Sometimes it is harder than other sto give that internal mental shrug of "Oh well...". 

Date Posted: 2/6/2008 4:21 PM ET
Member Since: 4/6/2007
Posts: 729
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Please let R&R know about this.  They will be able to see her messages and act accordingly.

Date Posted: 2/9/2008 7:00 PM ET
Member Since: 12/5/2006
Posts: 86
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I had a problem with a book recently that had writing in it and on a pattern that was in the book. Here's what's written in the Help section under ask the librarian and what I sent to the sender of my problem book, she decided to return my credit for the book but didn't want to give me a second credit fro me to return the book....

The vast majority of swaps take place without a problem at PBS.  But of course nothing is perfect!  If you receive a book with an "official" problem as listed below, you should mark it received with a problem to note this on the sender's record and contact the sender for your credit refund. 

You are not obligated to return the problem item, but if the sender gives you an extra credit or postage to do so, of course you may.  Unofficial problems are noted during the process of marking a book received (on the survey portion of the Book Received page).

If a pattern of "official" or "unofficial" problems emerges on a sender's account, we will take action.

  • "Unofficial" problems (books that are postmarked late, that arrive postage-due) are marked received normally, and the problem(s) can be described in the optional "survey" portion on the lower part of the Book Received page. 

Books that arrive after having been declared lost, or that arrive after having been canceled, are not considered "problem swaps".

We cannot mediate individual problem swaps at PBS.  We can't adjudicate from a distance; moreover, the club is large enough that even intervening in the small percentage of disputed transactions would not be possible time-wise.  This is why marking a problem swap received "with a problem" is so important: if a sender's account shows a pattern of problems, we will intervene and the sender may be expelled from the club. 

If a book you requested with a credit arrives with a problem, you need to PM the sender (instructions below).  If the sender does not respond to your PM within a week, let us know.  Non-response to PMs that clearly ask for a response acts as a "double black mark" on a sender's account, and non-response from a sender after this pattern is established in his/her account will be taken as admission of fault.   We will intervene in those cases.