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The Eclectic Pen - Death by Watermelon

By: LC P. (smallorder)   + 4 more  
Date Submitted: 4/11/2007
Genre: Humor & Entertainment » Humor
Words: 411

  Dear Smallorder,

BTW, Why are you going to grow watermelons if you don't like them? To say nothing of buying them. I can understand impulse buying but 130 POUNDS of impulse?

You're in Mississippi and you don't like watermelon? I'm amazed and aghast! All I know to do with watermelon is (a)see how far I can spit seeds, (b) cut it up in chunks and eat it, (c) blend it in smoothies with bananas and whatever other fruit you have, (d) turn it into juice in the blender and drink it.


Two very good questions, Sally. First, I am not a native of Mississippi. I'm originally from Detroit and I do LOVE my car because it does get me to where I want to go.

Second, as far as growing watermelons, I want to grow those cute little square watermelons they have in Japan, but my husband, being from "the watermelon capitol of the world, Rush Springs" and all those humungous watermelons wants to grow very large watermelons. Now, the only way to grow huge watermelons without a lot of cross-fertilization and all that stuff is to get the seeds of a large watermelon and grow it from there. As to how we ended up with the last 110 lbs. of watermelon...we bought the 30 lb watermelon at a roadside stand because it was the largest they had. Then we went down the road aways and found the roadside stand of the Watermelon Festive winner (his entry was 141 lbs) where he was selling all his "also-ran" watermelons among which was the 80 pounder. Now considering that the 141 pound watermelon sold at auction for $600, the $30 price tag on the 80 pounder seemed like "such a bargain" that we couldn't pass it up;o)

Oh, yes, once you buy a watermelon from anybody in that area, they won't let you return it for any reason;o) so we had to take them both home. My main worry driving home from Oklahoma was that we would be in an auto acident and the 80 pounder would either splatter and drown me in watermelon so that onlookers would leave the scene of the accident saying things like, "who would have thought that watermelon had that much stuff inside it" or "how strange, the air bag worked but it didn't protect her from the watermelon." So my cause of death would be listed as: "death by watermelon."


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